Tuesday, August 13, 2019

Relay Racist

President Trump saying

"The retweet ...
was from somebody
that is a very respected conservative pundit.
So I think it was fine"

in defense of his Twitter-based amplification
of a conspiracy theory
tying the Clintons
to Jeffrey Epstein's death

is parallel to a person

acting like it's fine
to smile and say "Only in the Panhandle"

in response to a rallygoer who says
"Shoot them"
meaning Mexican migrants

because the rallygoer
said it first.

Oh wait.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, August 6, 2019


Goodbye Toni Morrison.

Even as he mimics a person
calling out bigotry and hate
(until he speaks or tweets again)

Trump will never be wise enough
to heed your words

but thank you for saying

“Definitions belong to the definers
not the defined.”

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, July 30, 2019


On this day in 1619
the House of Burgesses

that is
the lower house of the colonial Virginia legislature

convened for the first time.

The state Democratic legislative caucus
and the Black Legislative Caucus

have both said they would boycott
the 400th anniversary ceremony

after it was confirmed
that President Trump
would be delivering remarks.

Virginia State Democrats
Eileen Filler-Corn
Charniele Herring
Dick Saslaw

and Mamie Locke

summed up the collective sentiment
to the Jamestown-Yorktown Foundation
the organization responsible
for the ongoing commemoration events

"Send him back."

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, July 23, 2019

Don't Read the Articles

Today at the conservative
Turning Point USA Teen Student Action Summit

Trump did that thing
where he says he did nothing wrong

while implying that he could've done something wrong
if he'd wanted to

(but rest assured
he didn't)

assuring the audience that Mueller's report
found "no collusion"

then adding
“I have an Article II,
where I have the right to do
whatever I want as President."

Funnily enough
Article II says nothing like that

but does say
in the last section

"The President,
Vice President
and all civil Officers of the United States,

shall be removed from Office on Impeachment for,
and Conviction of, Treason, Bribery,
or other high Crimes and Misdemeanors."

This is further proof
that the President is illiterate

and specifically requests
the "executive dictator version"
of all documents

including the founding ones.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, July 16, 2019

The Squad

Two days ago
the President of the United States
tweeted racist attacks

against new Representatives Ilhan Omar
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
Rashida Tlaib
and Ayanna Pressley

"So interesting to see 'Progressive' Democrat Congresswomen,
who originally came from countries
whose governments are a complete and total catastrophe,

the worst, most corrupt and inept anywhere in the world
(if they even have a functioning government at all),
now loudly and viciously telling the people of the United States,
the greatest and most powerful Nation on earth, how our government is to be run.

Why don’t they go back and help fix the totally broken
and crime infested places
from which they came."

Three of the four Congresswomen
were born in the United States

leaving this poet to conclude
that Trump is unwittingly acknowledging
the "complete and total catastrophe"
of his own country's government.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, July 9, 2019

Plain Texas Talk

Goodbye Ross Perot

whose death reminds level-headed folks of the days
when a billionaire tycoon running for office

felt like a refreshing political alternative
rather than an apocalyptic nightmare.

And you articulated a concept
Spike Lee championed

and which Trump
will never say

which is
"Do the right thing."

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, July 2, 2019

Ways and Means

In between trying to conjure up
more outrage
from our regularly depleted wells

we can be grateful
that the House Ways and Means Committee

has sued the Treasury and IRS
for Trump's tax returns

with Representative Lloyd Doggett
"This long-overdue legal action is needed
to keep this bad president
from setting a bad precedent."

Not only that

but Trump's returns
featured in a parade float

would be far more fun to see
this 4th of July

(hint hint)

than military tanks
making giant potholes in the road.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, June 25, 2019

Bourdain Day

In honor of the late Anthony Bourdain
chefs have dubbed what would have been his 63rd birthday
"Bourdain Day"

to celebrate his deep passion for life
and mindful appreciation of the world's cultures.

And less than two weeks ago
on June 14th

President Trump
spent almost a million dollars on Facebook ads
encouraging people to sign his birthday card

because certainly otherwise

people would forget
that such a man is aging.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, June 18, 2019

Rainbow Hell

musician and Detroit native Elijah Daniel
purchased the unincorporated community
of Hell, Michigan

and tweeted
"ahead of pride month
Trump’s administration
put a ban on embassy’s [sic] flying pride flags.

so as of today,
I am now the owner of Hell, Michigan.

I bought the whole town.

And my first act as owner, I have renamed my town to Gay Hell, MI.
The only flags allowed to fly are pride."

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, June 11, 2019

Amash of Issues

Republican Rep. Justin Amash

who has written increasingly contemptuous critiques
of Trump's behavior
as outlined in the Mueller report

and has even discussed
the possibility of impeachment

has now resigned
from the House Freedom Caucus
that he himself helped found

and which was inspired
by the Tea Party Movement.

Now Amash is reportedly mulling over
a third-party presidential bid
as a libertarian.

To which this poet says

if you do run
please run as a Republican

because what this country needs

in a candidate who knows
that party division is a good thing

if party unity
means supporting the unconscionable.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, May 28, 2019

Aid Disaster

In this divided era
surely one thing
Republicans and Democrats in Congress
can agree on

is a $19 billion natural disaster aid package
benefiting several states
and Puerto Rico


Well House Republicans Thomas Massie from Kentucky
and Chip Roy from Texas

apparently don't like it
because it increases the national debt
and lacks the border operations funding
that Trump requested

despite approval
from the Senate
and Trump's own voice of support
and agreement to sign the bill.

When Trump

(after a fashion)

is in this particular case
behaving more morally
than you are

it's time to reconsider
what you're willing
to go into debt for

even if it's a silly thing
like helping people.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, May 21, 2019


What's the difference
between a dinner invitation

and a subpoena?

The answer?

You can't be impeached

for telling someone
they shouldn't go to dinner.

And it's rather ironic
for Republicans
like Rep. Doug Collins

to mock Democrats
for talking to empty chairs

when in fact
Republican Clint Eastwood

pioneered the art
back in 2012
at the RNC.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, May 14, 2019

Over and Over and Over With

The hashtag

is trending on Twitter

after the Democratic Coalition
tweeted it in response
to Graham urging

Donald Trump, Jr.
to "show up and plead the Fifth
and it’s over with."

In short

even after senators in their own party
take legal action against Jr.

prominent Republicans keep capitulating
to Trump and Family

(so what else is new)

and Graham's sense of rap timing
is really bad.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, May 7, 2019


You still needn't keep up
with the Kardashians

but Kim has helped to free 17 prisoners
in 90 days

as a funder of the Decarceration Project
a program which goes around the country
and asks judges to release inmates.

More than paying legal fees
she is also on the phone
as the clients

some who were imprisoned
hundreds of miles away
from their families

are told they are coming home.

She is also studying to become a lawyer.

In short

this currently mint-green-coiffed star
is more qualified to be president in 2020

than the blonde celebrity
who is currently president.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, April 23, 2019

A Song of Vice and Conspire

A former CIA deputy director
from the Obama administration
David S. Cohen

made a cameo
on Game of Thrones

as an unnamed resident
of Winterfell.

Trump remains the king
of Orangehell.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, April 16, 2019

Trump International

The President graciously offered his idea
on how to extinguish the fire
at Notre Dame

in short
flying water tanks

because if there's anyone
whose expertise we value
in preserving very old
and very historic buildings

it's Donald Trump.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, April 9, 2019

Kava-no Surprise

Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh
has been hired

by the George Mason University law school
to teach a summer course

and not one
in his field of expertise of
"How to Commit Sexual Assault
and Still Get Chosen
for the Highest Court
in the Land"

and students on campus are protesting.

In other news
women's well-being going ignored
is the old normal

remixed into a somehow worse new normal
by a president who doesn't really care

because he sympathizes
with the accused.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, April 2, 2019

Border Disorder

It's the president
in a nutshell:

Imagine a crisis

(in this case
at the Southern border)

and using made-up facts

propose a terrible solution

(in this case
shutting down said border)

and then tell Congress
to pass his terrible legislative ideas

in order to prevent
his terrible solution

(one he may stick with anyway
despite Congress's actions)

to his imaginary problem
from being implemented.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, March 26, 2019

Cliffhanger Notes

"While this report
does not conclude
that the president committed a crime

it also does not exonerate him”

says Attorney General William Barr
quoting Mueller

in the summary
of the Mueller report.

So President Trump

Eat and tweet
and watch Fox News

and in general relax and be merry

before the full report is released

but know that every time you speak

you get closer to
accidentally revealing the truth
about what you did do

as it relates to Russia or not.

Because saying too much
is sort of your "thing"
(among others).

(Oh and happy birthday
Nancy Pelosi.)

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, March 19, 2019

Deliberate Wins the Race

That wacky Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
is up to no good again.

This time she's tweeting crazy things like
“White supremacists
committed the largest #
of extremist killings in 2017,”

quoting the loony Southern Poverty Law Center

and going on to say
low-IQ things like

“What the President is saying here: 
‘if you engage in violent acts
of white supremacy,
I will look the other way.’

Understand that this is deliberate.
This is why we can’t afford
to sit on the sidelines.”

Good thing we have a president
who stands up to hate

by reminding all of us
and especially the most vulnerable
to said acts
in our own country

that only a small number of people

actually do these things.


This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, March 12, 2019

Web for a Whirled World

Happy 30th Birthday
World Wide Web.

And thank you Tim Berners-Lee
for giving the average person
the ability to obsess about Trump's past, present, and future misdeeds
at all hours of the day and night
even at the expense
of little things like mental health

without (unless we're watching a video)
having to turn on the TV
and actually hear and see him.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, March 5, 2019

Type A Negative

Dear President Trump

Alabama just had
a terrible tornado
and the people there certainly deserve aid.

But do you only give
the "A Plus treatment"

to the places
that voted for you?

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, February 26, 2019

Not-So-Silent H

Dear Senator Thom Tillis

Thank you for being a Republican
from North Carolina

and writing an op-ed
against Trump's declaration
of a national emergency
for a border wall

for the Washington Post.

"I am a member of the Senate
and I have grave concerns when our institution
looks the other way

at the expense
of weakening Congress’s power"

you say

and commenting on Obama's prior use
of a national emergency
to defer action
against undocumented immigrants

you add

"There is no intellectual honesty
in now turning around and arguing

that there’s an imaginary asterisk
attached to executive overreach — 
that it’s acceptable for my party
but not thy party."

Despite having other talking points
that this poet does not agree with

thank you again sincerely for being
from her home state

and for saying
you will vote in favor
of a bill
disapproving of the President's national emergency declaration.

Now be quiet.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, February 19, 2019

Emergent Properties

Dear Mr. President
Thank you for the declaration
of a national emergency.

We know just how much of a threat to our country
illegal immigration is
by the fact that you waited
more than two years

to declare it as such.

However if on the off chance
you meant that your continued presidency
is a national emergency

well then
welcome to the club.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, February 12, 2019

Must Loathe Dogs

Last November
while promoting her new album
Barbra Streisand asked a worthy question
of the Los Angeles Times

“How does the president not have a dog?
He’s the first president in 120 years
that doesn’t have a dog in the White House.”

Last night at a very necessary
self-congratulatory rally in El Paso
Trump responded

“I wouldn’t mind having one, honestly
but I don’t have any time"

then added
presumably rhetorically
"How would I look
walking a dog on the White House lawn?”

the answer is
"Like a lying asshole with a dog
who gives its owner
the cat-like contempt
that he so richly deserves."

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.