Taking the Cake

Texas Republican lawmakers
sure know how to party.

State legislators on Tuesday
celebrated Faith and Family Day

which was organized
by Texas Values
and Texas Right to Life

to celebrate ten years
of marriage inequality.

In January
State Representative Cecil Bell

introduced a bill
that would strip of his or her
pension and salary

any employee
who performed a same-sex marriage.

They celebrated with a cake

which according to rumors
about Marie Antoinette

was callously recommended by her

as a replacement for bread
for the French poor

just as legally-encoded bigotry
is a fine substitution

for the millions in "bread"
marriage equality
would bring to the state

(not to mention
several tasty layers of dignity).

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

The Way It Should Be

Though "Selma" was snubbed
at the Oscars last night

and the award-winners
were strikingly un-diverse

R&B performer John Legend

was still able to get a word in edgewise
when he and Common
accepted the award

for the song "Glory"

"It's an artist's duty
to reflect the times
in which we live. 

We wrote this song for a film
that was based on events

that were fifty years ago

but we say that Selma is now
because the struggle
for justice is right now."

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

The Most Exceptional

White House spokesman
Josh Earnest

was appropriately so

when he said he felt
"sorry for Rudy Giuliani"

after the former
New York City mayor

declared that Obama
"doesn’t love you.
And he doesn’t love me.

He wasn’t brought up the way
you were brought up

and I was brought up
through love of this country."

He said
of the World War II-draft dodger

and son
of a Mafia enforcer

“It is sad to see when somebody

who has attained a certain level
of public stature
and even admiration

tarnishes that legacy so thoroughly.”

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

Bad News Talking This and That

Pharrell will be writing
four new books for children

the first
a 250,000-copy run of "Happy"
inspired by his hit song

due out
on September 22nd.

That's a cute idea Pharrell

but then can you please
write one for adults?

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

Christian Fundamentalism

Pope Francis has appointed
twenty new cardinals
from fourteen countries

with more of them hailing
from non-European countries
than European

in an attempt to show
the Vatican's "inseparable link"
with Catholics around the world.

As if that weren't mushy enough
of an agenda

one cardinal
Soane Patita Paini Mafia

is from the island of Tonga
home to a tiny community
of 17,000 Catholics

and threatened by climate change.

Cardinal Jose Luis Lacunza Maestrojuanan
is from Panama

and has campaigned to protect
indigenous peoples.

Last January
among the nineteen cardinals
he nominated

were clergy from Haiti
and Burkina Faso.

He has said he wants to see
an overhaul of the Church

that would bring it closer
to ordinary people.

This rhetoric sounds similar

to what the GOP
has been declaring
again and again

they've wanted to do

but with Governor Rick Perry
out on the campaign trail

implying that his rejection
of Medicaid

was an informed decision
on the part of poor Texans
not to have health insurance

this style of tough love
seems to be selling
about as well

as the premise
for Fifty Shades of Grey.

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

The Daily Sco' Walker Repor'

First Colbert
and now Stewart

the two most-heralded stalwarts
of fake news

will be leaving
their respective shows.

Who will take the helm?

Maybe Scott Walker

who was in London
at the Chatham House
International Affairs Think Tank

and was asked the question

"Are you comfortable
with the idea of evolution? Do you believe in it?"

to which he replied

"For me
I am going to punt
on that one as well.

That's a question
politicians shouldn't be involved in
one way or another."

When pressed
he answered

"I love the evolution
of trade in Wisconsin."

Let's just hope
he doesn't waste

all his material
before getting elected.

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

The Carolina Way

Rest in peace
Dean Smith.

Thanks for fighting against
racial discrimination

in a pre-Civil Rights South

and showing
the rest of the country

through your coaching philosophy
of “play hard
play together
play smart”

that decency could thrive
in North Carolina.

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

Traditional Bacterial Populations

Pope Francis became the first Pontiff
to first of all

declare the Internet
"a gift from God"

and secondly
hold a Google Hangouts video chat
with special-needs kids.

He will be addressing Congress
in September

during his first visit
to the US.

Today Obama
met the Dalai Lama

and though was advised
not to talk with him

nonetheless praised him
and greeted him
with a bow-like gesture.

Meanwhile in North Carolina

Republican Senator Thom Tillis
is seeking to deregulate hand-washing

ostensibly so that private businesses
don't have to live with the pressure

of following regulations
that ensure consumer safety

(but probably also because
he doesn't mind
if passers-by catch a whiff

of his own
private business

to hearken them back
to the days

when most ailments
were solved with whiskey

because Big Science
hadn't cured cholera yet)

meaning that to ensure
the Pope doesn't get sick

he'll either
have to greet him
with a Communist bow

or a scientifically-proven
more-sanitary
Muslim fist bump.

It's a circuitous route
to bipartisan-ism
but one we should all applaud

with our defiantly unwashed
disease-carrying

and furthermore
uncompromisingly American hands.

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

Today Is Tomorrow

Today Obama
introduced the $4 trillion 2016 budget

by saying

"These proposals will

put more money
in middle-class pockets

raise wages

and bring more
high-paying jobs to America."

He proposed large tax increases

in education

infrastructure construction
and workforce development

mentioning how long overdue
these measures were.

Then he looked ahead
to the GOP-led Congress

occupying endless news cycles

with presidential campaign speeches

(against a to-be-civilian
version of himself)

disguised as genuine talking points

and silently envied winter.

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

Could Have Been The Candidate Who Lost

It's a sad day
for every millionaire
in the GOP

who had his heart set
on the one man

who could not even pretend
to be "of the people."

Mitt Romney
has given up

on giving up on
the 47 percent

and will not be
running for president
in 2016.

Donald Trump

it's your time to shine.


This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

Good Answer as so Often Is Me

Like certain ones of us

maybe Sarah Palin
makes a better poet
than she does a politician.

Obama isn't allowed
to use a teleprompter

but she did

and it broke

so during her speech
at the Iowa Freedom Summit
she improvised.

"Things must change for our government.
Look at it.
It isn’t too big to fail.

It’s too big to succeed.

So we can afford no retreads
or nothing will change
with the same people"

or the "same policies that
got us into
the status quo."

Then she proceeds
with the etymology lesson.

"Another Latin word.
Status quo.

And it stands for

‘Man, the middle-class
everyday Americans
are really gettin’ taken for a ride.'"

But really
we shouldn't make fun of her

as she made
a salient point

that "the man can only ride ya
when your back is bent."

Maybe Obama wouldn't
say it quite the same way

but "middle-class everyday Americans"
left or right
can surely agree

(if not on the cause)
that their backs are bent.

Keep writing Sarah

and sharing with the world
your solid attempts at

both cutting commentary
and comedy

but please

leave your presidential career
to Tina Fey.

(For your sake

as you'll only anger
the progressives further

and they'll rebel with a president

even worse than Obama.)

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

We Dare Defend our Rights

(Sung by Governor Robert J. Bentley)
(Apologies to Stephen Foster)

Now that Cari Searcy
and Kimberly McKeand

(from wacky Californ-i-a)

can get down on one knee

where else but Louisiana
can one love traditionally?

Good ol' boys hitched right and left
We've all but been bled dry

But that Sanctity of Marriage Act
we'll preserve it if we try.

Oh Susanna
might you have dumped Steve 

for some other
folk singer's lady

in a more enlightened
mid-19th century?

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

State of The Onion

After President Obama's
State of the Union address

the GOP has proven
that despite their majority in Congress

they are willing to cooperate wholeheartedly
to achieve a better future
for America as a whole.

They have completed their first item
on their agenda

which is to edit out
the parts of his speech
that criticize them

for example

for denying climate change
at 43:25.

They also skip another section
at 44:51

where Obama spoke of respecting
“human dignity”

prohibiting torture
and speaking out against anti-Semitism.

It's too early to accuse
anyone of intentional wrongdoing

or downplaying issues
Republicans would rather not address

or of unintentional support
of everything else Obama said.

(Luckily in the GOP rebuttal
Senator Joni Ernst of Iowa

said that "rather than
respond to a speech"

she wanted to
"talk about your priorities."

That's a big relief.)

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

Tests of the Many

Don't forget the "pro" in protest

and keep in mind
what you are fighting for

as well as that
which you hope
to eradicate.

And don't forget the "test"

as you think

"Why is fighting 
for the right thing
taking so damn long?"

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

TMI About Nothing

On today's episode
of "Epic Supreme Court Battles"

nine justices will determine
whether states are allowed

to keep marriage "traditional"

(meaning the way that lawmakers
of certain governments

over the past few centuries
have commanded
their home- and conquered lands do)

or if one of the last socially-acceptable refuges
of Red-Blooded American Prejudices
(RBAPs)

will lose out to

the BDSM WWJD WTF OMG STFU (G)s

or

Benefits Disposed of 
to Silly Minorities

Who Would Just Demand

While Trampling our Freedom

"Oh Man
Guys

what if

Super-awesome
Things like marriage

are For Us
too?"

(Gross.)

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

Americans at Work

Today Facebook has launched
a trial of "Facebook at Work"

which is different from Facebook

in that the color scheme
is a shaded white

it exists as a separate "portal"
on the desktop
as well as its own app

and you connect to colleagues

with whom you may
or may not also be friends.

If your company
signs up for the service

you don't have to have
a personal Facebook account.

Listen up Fox News

this tacitly-approved goofing off
is making the US
closer to Europe

with respect to admitting
that we like having an identity
separate from the one

that built this country

(frontier spirit
and if you want to be
all PC about it

slavery too)

and it means that Obama

(as far as any president
can actually influence the economy)

only helped create 11.2 million jobs
over the span of fifty-eight months

in a presidency
of nearly seventy-two months.

You could say he was playing
"Presidents at Work"

but that might be conveying
a mixed message.

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.