Bushwhacked

Donald Trump's presence
in the White House

turns the rest of reality
on its axis

such that the man
who started two wars
in the Middle East

authorized enhanced interrogation techniques
and put the country
trillions of dollars in debt

(for example)

can say of our current president

“I don’t like the racism
and I don’t like the name-calling
and I don’t like the people feeling alienated.”



This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper

A Jerk and a Chicken

(Apologies to Rihanna and Drake)
(Sung by Donald Trump in bad rendition of reggae song)

Trust I'm not deserting
At Mar-a-Lago I am lurking
The fake news media don't like it
But the Fox, they are the nicest

I'm prepared to handle ISIS
You know I'll tweet in any crisis

I believe in the crowds' adoration
I'm stupid and mean and impatient
I treat you all like ego decoration
Told you I have no moral foundation

All that I wanted from you was to give me the
Attention that I've always had
Privilege that I've always seen
Coddled like I've always been

Mm-hmm
A fine-tuned machine don't get nothing wrong
Just get ready for

Work work work work work work
Act like I never
Work work work work work work
They see me
Playing golf golf golf golf golf golf

Say me and Putin ain't gon'
Work work work work work work
Sad sad sad sad sad sad
I refuse to learn learn learn learn learn learn

Don't agree wit' me
get spurned spurned spurned spurned spurned spurned

This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper

Out Like Flynn

Donald Trump's
National Security Adviser
Michael T. Flynn

has resigned
after admitting he misled Vice President Pence

about the subject of his conversations
with the Russian ambassador Sergey I. Kislyak

just after the election

reviving questions about the closeness
of the President's ties to the country.

Maybe one of these days
if not on Valentine's Day

Trump will realize
he was conned

into a one-sided bromance.


This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper

Don't Need No Education

Betsy DeVos

private school attendee

you have now been appointed
Donald Trump's Secretary of Education

with Vice President Mike Pence
giving the tiebreaking vote.

Lest you forget

in March of 2016
you called then-one-of-many-candidates Trump
an "interloper"
who "does not represent
the Republican party"

but not in a positive sense.

You have been selected
by our president
to be an interloper

and this poet asks
that in your crusade for school choice

you preserve the choice
that so many families have made

(and by the way
the basis
of your assigned role)

for free and public education.

And if you don't do so

they'll be happy
to educate you.


This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper

Quid Pro Trump O.

It is unknown

where Iraq would ever

have gotten the idea

to ban US citizens

from entering their country. 

Certainly the Iraqi parliamentary panel's

use of the word "reciprocal"

would bring no clues. 

As an incidental fact

it should be noted

that the only families

at risk of being torn apart

are from countries

where the President

has no hotels or golf courses

which is damning

but also in a roundabout way

a transformer of the Trump Organization

into an unwieldy

blunt

and obnoxious tool

for Trump's accidental

and coincidental

and purely self-interested

sense of diplomacy. 

This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper

Through the Truthing Glass

Kellyanne Conway

knows Donald Trump
speaks in lies

and she must knowingly use lies to bolster
the new president's alternate reality

as something the public should accept

by declaring the existence
of "alternative facts"

about the size
of his inauguration attendance.

Stephen Colbert invented the word "truthiness"
on The Colbert Report

during the Bush administration

but has now been outdone
by the Trump administration's authentic use
of real and transparent dishonesty.



This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper

Mandatory Trump Education Lesson 8

Listen Donnie

please note
that after your press conference

the American public
despite what you may think

does care about your tax returns

and we still do not feel assured

that your business interests
will be handled in such a way

as to pose no conflict of interest

with this country's interests

or that Russia
does not have potentially compromising
information about you.

And as much as you dislike
or distrust
or don't want to be bothered

to answer the questions
that CNN is asking you

the soon-to-be leader of the free world

they are not "fake news".


This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper

Mandatory Trump Education Lesson 7

Listen Donnie

in seventeen days

you will be sworn in
and thus become part

of the "swamp"
you promised to drain.

On December 31st
you wished a Happy New Year
to your "many enemies"

and those who "have fought me
and lost so badly
they just don't know what to do."

Given that Carl Bernstein

who was the lawyer
of "enemies list"-maker-
and "not a crook"-Richard Nixon

has called you
a bigger liar than his former client

that should make it
all the more apparent

that the first step
to serving the majority who did not vote for you

who for all our sakes
want you to succeed

is learning that your ignorance of the world
does not make you more honest
when you say something incorrect

and that even these people
are capable of possessing
at least some of the truth.

This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper

Mandatory Trump Education Lesson 6

Listen Donnie

instead of both lamenting
the closure of the Trump Foundation

(which in fact
can not yet be done

as the charity is still under investigation
by the New York attorney general)

and bragging about how ethical you are
for avoiding

"even the appearance
of any conflict" of interest
by shutting it down

it would be better
to be quiet
get off Twitter

and in your own words

"continue to pursue
your "strong interest in philanthropy"

by preparing
just as Obama did

to work with people you hate

and who perhaps
also don't like you

for the next four years.



This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper

Mandatory Trump Education Lesson 5

Listen Donnie

you said you would listen
to President Obama's counsel

so believe him
when he says

“It doesn’t matter
how smart you are.

You have to have
the best information possible
to make the best decisions possible.”

You get one intelligence briefing
per week. 

That's a start. 

Now it is possible
that you like sending out information
more than receiving it

and that you don't like hearing
that your companion Vladimir Putin

swayed not only voter opinion
but yours.

But given that your medium of choice
is by design brief

and that your missives
are presumably meant to be read
by their targets

you owe the rest of the world
the same courtesy.








This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper

Mandatory Trump Education Lesson 4

Listen Donnie

whether or not the US
should engage with Taiwan

as an independent state

that decision to engage should be made
with care and deliberation

by someone who has chosen
to receive the daily intelligence briefings

which you have not

instead choosing
to block your fellow Americans
on Twitter

because they make you upset.


This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper

Mandatory Trump Education Lesson 3

Listen Donnie

in the process
of making America great again

you do not have time
for victory rallies

or for being a sore winner.


This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper

Mandatory Trump Education Lesson 2

Listen Donnie

when you're the president
you get certain privileges and perks

but if you had ever
read the Constitution
you might have noted

that “no Person holding any Office of Profit
or Trust under them shall
without the Consent of the Congress

accept of any present
Emolument
Office or Title

of any kind whatever
from any King

Prince
or foreign State.”

When you refuse
to put your business

in a blind trust

you need to realize
that you are asking us
the American people

to put our blind trust
in you.

This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper

Mandatory Trump Education Lesson 1

Listen Donnie

you may think
that a $25 million-dollar settlement

is not a tacit admission
of defrauding your Trump University students

(but you also know
you're not one
to just give away money)

that your daughter
taking control of your company
and meeting with the Japanese Prime Minister

is no big deal
to national security

and that Mike Pence
getting "harassed"
at Hamilton

by being given a speech
encouraging him and you
to respect people of color

is the best thing
to Tweet about
the next day

but it would do you good
to try to understand

why some of us think
you are not acting presidential.


This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper

Mandatory Trump Education (Prelude)

Listen Donnie
you didn't want to be president

and more than half of us
didn't want you to be either

but now that you're here
we've got to teach you.

This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper

By Any Other Name

Tomorrow is Election Day

and only one of the major candidates' full names

contains both "nation lady"
and "matriarchy"

but perhaps some
will instead have a newfound "clarity"

because they realize this person is "rational"
or has an actual "charity"

and still others
may simply like the fact that this person
is "not him (Don)".

Whatever fuels the decision
it's time to make it

or break it

(the fabric 
of our democracy
is all).



This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper

The Fate of the Republic

On Wednesday
an unusually warm November day

this poet
was just one member of
the sweaty huddled masses

who in between
listening to down-ballot Democrats
and James Taylor

was waiting for hours
on the Hooker Fields' AstroTurf
yearning to see

President Obama

who would give a speech
encouraging us to vote
for Hillary Clinton.

Naturally while we were fully "with her"
for the future

we were with him now.

While he spoke

this poet had two thoughts

one that maybe
if everyone here
this multi-hued cross-section of America

consisting largely
of Trump's deplorables

(who unlike Hillary's
merely exist on the same planet as he)

and Baby Boomer ladies
wearing "Nasty Woman" hats

and pale college kids
saying "Preach!"

and singing to "Carolina in My Mind"

(despite not being born
till 30 years after the song's release)

were in agreement
about our future

then maybe
"the fate of the republic"
could be supported on our shoulders

and two
that maybe all that repudiation of the wrong
and embrace of the right

wouldn't be enough.




This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper

PFLAG-rant

Nothing conveys Donald Trump's support
for the LGBT community better

than when he retrieved the iconic rainbow flag
with "LGBTs for Trump"
scribbled on it

from a front-row supporter

and proudly displayed it to the audience

ignorant that when the text was readable
the symbolic colors
were in upside-down order

with red at the bottom
and violet at the top

making it entirely possible
that the audience member
is not a member of said community.

In fact
Donald Trump plans to sign
the First Amendment Defense Act

which would allow for discrimination
against LGBT people

and also intends to install Supreme Court justices
who would overturn marriage equality.

It's not his fault
the flag was upside-down

but he's always proud
to overturn human rights.



This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper

This is His Costume

When designing a last-minute
Halloween costume

keep in mind

that friendly parody of a public figure

often makes for a memorable
and easily-acquired outfit. 

With Donald Trump
if he has said anything that is true

it's that what you see
is truly what you get

and a real parody of him
as Saturday Night Live has proven

is impossible 

as there is no room
between the grotesque exaggeration
and the reality of him. 

(And that's scary!)


This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper

Happy Birthday Nasty Woman

(Sung to Hillary Clinton on her 69th birthday)

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

America needs a "nasty woman"

Happy birthday to you.

This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper

De-Snowbilization

For any still-undecided voters
a recent television ad
from Donald Trump

sums up the heart of his campaign.

Unlike Hillary Clinton
he will "turn Washington upside-down"

much like a glass snowglobe

(to excuse
the pre-Halloween Christmas analogy)

denuded of its precipitation
by an ignorant tiny hand

who destabilizes the also-tiny
and imperfect but complex village within

before carelessly letting go.


This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

A Magnanimous Winner

Let it not be said

that feelings of entitlement

are exclusive
to the younger generations.

After his ambiguous
and democracy-defying statement
at last night's debate

saying that he would
"keep [us] in suspense"

as to whether
he would accept the election results
if Hillary Clinton won

today Donald Trump
has walked back that statement

by doubling down
and saying what of course
he really meant

and thus writing
the parody Onion article himself

which is

"I would like to promise and pledge
to all of my voters and supporters

and to all of the people
of the United States

that I will totally accept the results
of this great and historic presidential election

if I win."


This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

Neva-Da Tacos

People who attend

the final presidential debate

at the University of Nevada on Wednesday

will have no shortage

of food options

assuming that desired option

is one kind 

of delicious Mexican food.

Members of the Culinary Union

who argue that Trump

is illegally refusing to bargain with them

aim to corral at least five taco trucks

into the shape of a wall

outside the Trump International Hotel Las Vegas

conveniently located just a few miles away

from the debate venue.

Too bad the Republican candidate's Hispanic outreach director

 A.J. Delgado

(who suffice it to say

has not been doing

a very good job thus far)

seems to welcome this development.

This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.