Don't Be So Insured

Three major research institutions

Urban Institute
Gallup and Commonwealth Fund
all have one
inconvenient-for-Obama conclusion

which is that
the number of Americans lacking healthcare
has plummeted this year

from about 17 percent
to 13 percent uninsured.

Among the 8 million
new beneficiaries
to the luxury of not having

to visit the emergency room
for the sniffles

were people
with low and moderate incomes

many of whom
were eligible for government subsidies

and Latinos.

But the states that went
the intriguingly bold route

of denying Obama's
totally free Medicaid expansion

(you know
because it's a government handout

and to accept
would make the higher-ups culpable
of socialism

and you don't
want that blood on your hands)

and saving
the too-poor from themselves

know that in reality
there's nothing more certain
than death and taxes

especially for our President

who is smuggling dissidents
and making them
pay 1 percent of their household income

then 2 percent
then 2.5 percent

until they finally
pay with their lives

by relenting to pay less
(to a socialist)

to keep themselves
alive and well.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Coda of Conduct

The term "Hobby Lobbying"
has always existed

for various organizations
existing at all intersections
of the political
and monetary spectrum

trying to curry favor

for their worthy or "look-how-worthy-
this-expensive-B-roll-

of-shiny-happy-
people-blithely-engaging-with-our-company-
makes-us-look-"

goals

but only recently
has it become

a proper noun
that is properly capitalized
when written.

Since February 2013
Nebraska-based Judge
Richard Kopf

has kept a notable
"Hercules and the Umpire" blog
where he relays his adventures
in federal trial-judging.

He scolded the five Catholic male
Republican-appointed
Supreme Court Justices
for undermining Obamacare

when they in his words
ruled that a "huge corporation
with thousands of employees

and gargantuan revenues
was a 'person'."

He went on to recommend
an indefinite silence
or "quiescent" period

then added

"As the kids say
it is time for the Court
to STFU"

(Shut The Eff Up
for non-Millennials)

even providing a helpful link
to Urban Dictionary.

After receiving a note
from a respected lawyer

decrying his foul language
he is
(at least temporarily)
following his own recommendation.

Those who support
free and uninhibited speech

for all public officials
giving truth to power

should start a campaign
politely asking Kopf
to "un-STFU" himself.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Devils in His Head

Hey kids
remember that headbanging

is only good
for "metal health"

not "mental health".

A 50-year-old
German man
went to the doctor

complaining of headaches
though he hadn't
had a head injury
experimented with drugs

or done anything else

but attend a perfectly innocent
Motorhead show.

The poor man
had some brain bleeding

but he'll be okay

although the medical team
noted in a paper
published Friday

previous cases
of minor brain damage

associated with heavy metal music.

It's all well and good
to be cautious

but Dr. Islamian
could be a little
less presumptuous

in saying that
had the patient
gone "to a classical concert
this would not have happened"

as if classical concert-goers
don't feel the urge
to nod heartily

along with the conductor
during some really
bitchin' violin cadenza.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Going Fourth

President Obama says
"If they are really concerned
about me taking

too many executive actions
the best solution to that 

is passing bills."

Let it be known
that the now-anointed-by-
the-independent-
all-seeing-and-deciding-eye
-known-as-History-

Bush issued 291
during his two terms

(and one of those
allowed some
moderate unkindness

to people that were
probably all really bad
for really really sure)

compared with Obama's 182

with one possibly
on the way

for immigration reform.

Everyone by now
has seen the 2012 clip
of Obama singing Al Green

but probably not
the more politically pertinent
Sly Stone bit

he performed in front
of both houses of Congress
late on June 27th

(the Friday night
before the week-long recess).

"I want to thank you
for letting me
be myself

again

and again and again
and again."

The repetition initially
invited some rhythmic
bipartisan clapping

until the realization
amongst GOP members
that clapping
appeared to symbolize agreement.

One step forward
two steps back.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Coulter of Personality

Now that Belgium
yesterday beat the US team
2 to 1

in the 2014 World Cup

kicking Americans
out of contention

and erasing forever
any fervor we had
for the sport

Ann Coulter
will have to find
a new target

on which to balance
our "nation's moral decay".

Because as we know
her provocative commentary

comes from a place
of wholesome grandparently concern
for maintaining

our social cohesion
through such unifying traditions

as playfully hazing
bearded or robed
or just plain weird-looking immigrants

(actual or apparent
since you can't take chances)
until they prove themselves
not to be terrorists

and keeping our
first black president honest

by judging him
through a refreshingly
ahistorical lens.

Since her commentary
requires painstaking research

to make a thoughtful
and convincing case

it will surely
be a while before we hear
from her again.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Sing Out of F. Scott Key

For this Fourth of July holiday
no one's asking you

to quit blasting
at your drink-heavy
beachside barbecue

spiritedly patriotic Lee Greenwood
for helping "God
Bless the USA"

or Toby Keith
for being "Made in America"

or politically-neutral
isolationist chiller Jimmy Buffet

for lounging
away from it all
in "Margaritaville"

but along with those tunes

America-hating liberals everywhere
remind you to also play

"With A Little Help
From My Friends"

(either the Beatles'
or Joe Cocker's version is fine)

because after all
we're made independent

only through togetherness.

Thank you
for this brief
public service announcement.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

A Chronic State

On Thursday
North Carolina Governor
Pat McCrory

said he would sign
a bill into law
that will allow patients

who suffer
from intractable epilepsy

access to a point-three-percent
marijuana-based
treatment called cannabinol (CBD).

McCrory said
"This law will help
ease the suffering

endured by children
from whom
no other treatments

are effective
against their seizures."

Marijuana activists and advocates
point out
that this limited
CBD-only bill

may not be permissive enough
to help a lot of patients

but hey
it's a start

from the man
who back in February

drew 80,000 protesters
to the Moral March
on Raleigh

with a diverse array
of peeps asking him
and his pals

to stop seizing up
North Carolina's

voting rights
women's rights
environmental rights
educational rights

(to name a few)

and pretty much
to start doing right

and just like
mellow out
you know?

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

A Boehner Named Sue

(Apologies to Shel Silverstein and Johnny Cash)

Well it was Washington DC
at the end of June

and I was feeling a bit 
politically marooned

and I thought I'd stop
'fore I got introspective.

So right there standin'
on that gov'mint floor

I did what I'd never done before
and called out

"That dirty mangy Barack
done made me sue!"

Well I knew that this POTUS
had unilateral powers

and had passed policies
designed to make us cower.

I knew his unceasingly metered tone
and that calculating mind

behind a stubbornly stoic face.

He was taller'n me and slim
and calm and un-peachy toned

and I didn't
confront him in person
or talk on the phone

but I still said
in the comfort of that room

"I'm gonna sue.
How do you do?

Now I'm gonna cry."

I got all choked up
and the deal was done

and 'Rack rushed
to my feet and said
"You have won."
and that he

"came away
with a different point of view

and I never knew that's
what the song meant

but the GOP's right

so I promise to relent
and leave you
in charge forever."

If I ever have a son
just in case
he becomes Speaker

I think I'm gonna
call him Sue.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

A Controlled Arrogance

We're off to see the Wizard
the wonderful Wiz
Doctor Oz

because because
because because because

because he has an MD
and is a Professor of Surgery
at Columbia University

but uses his national platform
(to which he catapulted
with Oprah Winfrey's help

first appearing
on her show in 2004

then getting Harpo Productions'
backing for "The Dr. Oz Show"
in 2009)

to promote weight loss
wonder drugs.

We're off to see the Wizard
the wonderful Wiz
Doctor Oz.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Gonna Touch the Sky

Kanye West
has already failed

at both his husbandly
and professional duties.

Astronomers have discovered
a dwarf star so cool

that its carbon
has crystallized

giving the 11-billion-year-old
frustratingly elusive

celestial bauble
a dazzling diamond-like radiance

(which Kanye can neither
wrest from the sky
nor morphologically emulate)

when viewed by us
earth-bound mortals.

But don't worry

it will "let him finish"
whatever little project
he has going on right now.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

His Blended Family

Good news
for gays and les-byterians

The Holy Intermediary
Between Church and State

also known as
the top legislative body
of the Presbyterian Church USA

just voted to allow
their ministers
to preside over gay weddings

in states where
same-sex marriage is legal.

This follows
the decision
of the Episcopal Church in 2013

which follows
the decision
of the United Church of Christ
in 2005

which follows
the eleventh commandment
of God
in 4000 BCE

"Thou shalt not
impede the union
of a male and female

female and female
or male and male

so long as the couple
is not dressed
in polyester shirts or pants

because we're in
the middle of the desert
and I hate to see

my creations suffer."

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

His Holy Shame

According to a CNN caption
that was on-screen
for about thirty seconds

"Pope has gained
weight in office"
showing that even male leaders

with influence
over one billion people

are subject to unwarranted
body speculation
if only briefly

so leave Francis alone.

Besides it being none
of our business anyway

for all we know
(and there's a lot
that's surprised us already
about the Pontifex)

he may also be incubating
the Second Coming of Christ
and we must show Him

that this world
for all its troubles

is in fact
a nice one.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Impeachable Offense

Fox News
if your well
has run dry

feel free to quote
the following.

The only time
which Democrats
progressives and just liberals
in general

feel happy to be citizens
of our country

is when we win 2 to 1
(and what kind of tiny
winning score is that?)
at a sport

invented in Europe
and played internationally

which we don't
even call "soccer"
but rather "football"

against citizens
of a country
just a 4,000-mile

hop skip and a jump
away from our
beloved president's homeland

(assuming being a "birther"
is still cool
this late into Obama's
second term).

Because there
is no such thing
as a soccer-loving Republican.

So with your flair
for creative reporting

with these above facts
as a solid foundation

this could be
an absolutely scandalous story
that unseats all Democrats
in Congress

and makes Obama retire
in sudden embarrassment
"due to unrelated issues".

Maybe call it
"soccer Benghazi"?

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Method to His Manliness

Behind every great man
is a great woman

the saying goes
(and of course women
know how to lead
from the front)

but behind him
should also be the man
who is good

who can call out
the bad behavior
he senses is coming

who can risk
having the general
disown him

because he's
used his own strength
his own status

to defend the concept
of community

in the world
in the nation
in the household.

He knows
he can be a father
he can be a brother
(blood or not)

while supporting
his mothers and sisters

and he knows
that this is what it means
to be a man.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Not Ashamed to Admit

Now granting the fact
that expressions
of explicit homophobia

have only relatively recently
started to become "gauche"
in mainstream American opinion

and "gauche" means "left"

and Texas Governor Rick Perry
was just one in a line

of perfectly solid
and erudite conservative challengers
vying for President in 2012

maybe he really did think

that the case
for gay reparative therapy
because of its striking similarities

to rehab
for people with alcoholism

(how did Democrats
never notice this?)

was a compassionate and sensitive
topic on which to expound

in San Francisco.

He acknowledged
a bold-by-GOP-standards

fact that homosexuality
may have
a genetic component

leaving hope for the possibility
that his and others'

simultaneously self-serving
and self-defeating lifestyle
of petty and obstructionist

and downright harmful
Obama-one-upmanship

can one day be cured

(or at least
have its symptoms
kept in check).

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Brat-Worst Case Scenario

Conservative Republican
members of Congress
have feelings too.

If there were a time
to feel sorry for Eric Cantor
this is it.

On Tuesday
the second-most-senior
Republican in the House

was beaten
in the primary

by Tea Party professor
(any double-takes
are most certainly forgivable)

Dave Brat
who teaches economics

at Randolph-Macon College
in Ashland Virginia.

His fancy book-knowledge
certainly came into play
in his campaign

having been both fiscally
and socially shrewd enough

to win over constituents
by spending only
$122,000 on advertising

compared with Cantor's $1 million.

We will see
if Brat lives up to his name
in his actions

more so than Cantor

who not even once
ever united the House
through the healing power

of sacred Jewish song
(what a shame).

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.