Going Green

Yo mama's
so promiscuous

with volunteering in charities

organizing for the community

and disobeying
in a most civil way

maybe she ought to be
put on some
paper currency already.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Border Customs

Today in history
in 1882
Congress passed the Immigration Act

which banned immigration
from China
for ten years.

Two days ago in 2014
President Obama
chided House Republicans

for passing
"the most extreme
and unworkable versions

of a bill that they already know
is going nowhere"

allocating $694 million
to deal with the people

waiting in "crisis" at the nation's
Southern border

and this bill
did not pass
the Senate.

Really a "crisis"
is a moment for decision-making

and even the Democrats
originally-proposed
$2.7 billion investment

would only be the beginning
not the end

(and let it be said
that volunteer communities
in southern Texas

do a lot
to help immigrants
without the benefit
of government legislation).

Maybe when Congress
returns from recess

they (and really we)
can make a beginning

that reflects
who we are today.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Forewarned is Forearmed

According to a newly-unearthed
long-lost videotape
of Bill Clinton speaking

to a group of businessmen in Australia
on the tenth
of September 2001

he said he "nearly got"
and "could have killed"
Osama Bin Laden

but he "would have to destroy
a little town called Kandahar
in Afghanistan

and kill 300
innocent women and children

and then I would have been
no better than him.”

In response
key Republicans made
some profound talking points
such as

"What are you talking about?
Military actions
never have unintended consequences"

"We are always better"

and "Regardless of doing something
we wanted our party to do

we for sure would've found

a way to blame you
for not taking action sooner."

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Cutting Him Short (Haiku Plus Five)

When Palin drones ab-
-out impeaching Obama
she makes equal sense

backwards and forwards.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

America's Great North Star

Sarah Palin
is "tired of the media filters"

that have relentlessly kept her
from sharing her views
so she is starting the online

"Sarah Palin Channel"

and charging $9.95 a month
(or $99.95 a year)

so the "average
working class American

who has been left behind
in Obama's America"
(according to the website)

can pay a non-trivial
amount of his or her income

to be part
of her non-elitist network of fans

that want to know
her nuanced
and up-to-the-minute opinions
on impeaching Obama

that one simply
cannot hear anywhere else.

Well on the upside

at least she's not
what one might call

a "career politician".

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Gallup-ing Away

When asked if they thought
Obama should be impeached

Fox devotees
cannot be tricked
into agreement

even with a super sexy
leading question
to guide them to the truth

like "Do you favor or oppose
impeaching President Obama

for exceeding his authority
under the Constitution
by failing to enforce some laws

and changing other laws
on his own
or for any other reason?".

Just thirty-six percent
of viewers said yes
they do favor impeachment.

Bias can come
from any direction

and polling that conforms
to the presumed narrative

is not really
what polling is about
if what you're after

is collection of raw data

that depicts human reality
in all its diversity.

So is Fox finally
starting to lose
the narrative war

as the demographic
clarifies its own opinions
on current events

or for any other reason?

Maybe no
or maybe yes.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Safety Net Worth

Paul Ryan on Wednesday
presented a plan
for ameliorating poverty

at the American Enterprise Institute

that despite repudiating
the modern "welfare state"
on the whole

actually shows
he is approaching the subject

from a slightly altered angle
than times he has brought up
the subject before.

He proposes expanding
the Earned Income Tax Credit

for low-income and childless workers
from $503
to $1,005.

Don't get him wrong

Gerald Ford created the EITC
and Reagan and Bush
and Bush Junior expanded it

so of course Republicans
in Congress today
are against it

because they have moved
even further to the right

and a helpful first step
might be to raise
our country's minimum wage

for the first time
in five years
from $7.25

to something that would help
taxpayers keep pace
with inflation

(which the progressive think tank
Center for Economic
and Policy Research

estimates to be about
six billion dollars)

and maybe such an increase
would increase feelings of morale
and decrease feelings of desperation

amongst the working poor

and they could help the economy
and their families
and their local communities
(all pillars of conservative rhetoric
of the past)

and "making ends meet"
by strangling oneself
just a little bit
and a little bit more

would become a relic
of a world less civilized
and more lopsided

than present.

but hey
it's a start.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

An Abridged Story

Today everyone is wondering
who swapped the American flags
on top of the Brooklyn Bridge

with bleached-white Old Glories
early this morning
and why

and particuarly how
when the bridge is so heavily guarded.

Dido said in 2003
that there would be no white flag
above her door

though she said
nothing about bridges.

Maybe they're a call
for peace in the Middle East

saying Obama
should pay more attention
to Palestine

or peace everywhere.

It can feel callous
to feel unworried

and paranoid
to feel like every change
in the skyline

is foreboding.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Soul Freedom

Roger Williams
who founded the state
of Rhode Island
in 1636 for religious freedom

who in 1643 wrote
"A Key into the Language of America"

marking the first study
of an American Indian language
(mostly of Algonquin Narragansett)
in English

as well as a deliberate effort
to acknowledge the Other

probably should be referenced
in the news of late

given the pertinence
of his values
to our world today

and maybe even the United States

with its vitally important
separation of church and state
and all

so here is at least one.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Drug On Too Long

Today the U.S. Sentencing Commission
decided that nearly fifty thousand

federal drug offenders
are eligible
for reduced sentences.

Former President
and Possible Former User of Cocaine

George W. Bush
was not available for comment

on how the country's
gradually evolving mentality

on the criminalization of drugs
and the demonization of users
(some perhaps
more than others)

away from "lock-'em-up"
to "maybe-help-'em-out"

would give these
sooner-to-be-former prisoners

the chance to achieve
what he did.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Long Arch of Morality

Grown-up Archie
of "Life with Archie"

not too long ago
witnessed the marriage

of Kevin Keller
to his husband

and now we witness
Archie's death

taking a bullet for Keller
the military veteran turned senator

running on a platform
of increased gun control
for Riverdale

although the teenage Archie
will still persist
in "Archie Comics"

having innocent fun at sock hops
and soda shops.

Would that a comic book
were the only place

we'd have to learn these lessons

and would that
all of us who would
take a bullet for a dear friend

only have to make that decision
in the abstract.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Canter-burying Unequal Tales

Today the General Synod
the decision-making body

of the Church of England
voted to allow women
to become bishops.

Provided the decision
is approved by Parliament

a formal announcement
will be made to the Synod
in November.

There's something to be said
about adhering to hundreds
of years of tradition

as felt John Goddard of Burnley

who said he could not vote
in favor of the legislation
“out of obedience to God".

But the Lord
never actually said

"Boys rule
girls drool

as 51 percent
of the population

in humble deference to boys
for all eternity

so there."

He would like to apologize
that He did not make
Himself more explicit

as to His belief
in equality

and freedom for all
to espouse His Word

when He was being interviewed
for the Bible.

"You all should probably
just start everything over
at this point."

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Good to Be Underestimated

Rosie O'Donnell
is coming back to The View

and Donald Trump
is not cool with that

calling her
"crude rude
obnoxious and dumb"

but "other than that"
he likes her "very much".

O'Donnell may have a reputation
for being loudly opinionated
against the Iraq war

for co-founding
so-called inclusive "R Family Vacations"

which are cruises
for gays and lesbians
and their families and friends

(and "cruising" really
is hardly appropriate
for those poor children
of LGBT couples)

for starting a program
to give free music
and dance instruction

to underprivileged kids
in New York City public schools

and for giving $22 million in grants
to organizations providing
for the welfare of children.

Trump may have a reputation
for doubting Obama's
place of origin

(or for later reversing his opinion
and saying Obama pretended

to be from Kenya
to get scholarship money)

or for having had businesses
bearing his name
file for bankruptcy
four times

but declaring that his
money-making prowess
makes him electable

to our land's highest office

but other than that

yes "The Donald"
don't worry

we like you
very much too.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Don't Be So Insured

Three major research institutions

Urban Institute
Gallup and Commonwealth Fund
all have one
inconvenient-for-Obama conclusion

which is that
the number of Americans lacking healthcare
has plummeted this year

from about 17 percent
to 13 percent uninsured.

Among the 8 million
new beneficiaries
to the luxury of not having

to visit the emergency room
for the sniffles

were people
with low and moderate incomes

many of whom
were eligible for government subsidies

and Latinos.

But the states that went
the intriguingly bold route

of denying Obama's
totally free Medicaid expansion

(you know
because it's a government handout

and to accept
would make the higher-ups culpable
of socialism

and you don't
want that blood on your hands)

and saving
the too-poor from themselves

know that in reality
there's nothing more certain
than death and taxes

especially for our President

who is smuggling dissidents
and making them
pay 1 percent of their household income

then 2 percent
then 2.5 percent

until they finally
pay with their lives

by relenting to pay less
(to a socialist)

to keep themselves
alive and well.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Coda of Conduct

The term "Hobby Lobbying"
has always existed

for various organizations
existing at all intersections
of the political
and monetary spectrum

trying to curry favor

for their worthy or "look-how-worthy-
this-expensive-B-roll-

of-shiny-happy-
people-blithely-engaging-with-our-company-
makes-us-look-"

goals

but only recently
has it become

a proper noun
that is properly capitalized
when written.

Since February 2013
Nebraska-based Judge
Richard Kopf

has kept a notable
"Hercules and the Umpire" blog
where he relays his adventures
in federal trial-judging.

He scolded the five Catholic male
Republican-appointed
Supreme Court Justices
for undermining Obamacare

when they in his words
ruled that a "huge corporation
with thousands of employees

and gargantuan revenues
was a 'person'."

He went on to recommend
an indefinite silence
or "quiescent" period

then added

"As the kids say
it is time for the Court
to STFU"

(Shut The Eff Up
for non-Millennials)

even providing a helpful link
to Urban Dictionary.

After receiving a note
from a respected lawyer

decrying his foul language
he is
(at least temporarily)
following his own recommendation.

Those who support
free and uninhibited speech

for all public officials
giving truth to power

should start a campaign
politely asking Kopf
to "un-STFU" himself.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Devils in His Head

Hey kids
remember that headbanging

is only good
for "metal health"

not "mental health".

A 50-year-old
German man
went to the doctor

complaining of headaches
though he hadn't
had a head injury
experimented with drugs

or done anything else

but attend a perfectly innocent
Motorhead show.

The poor man
had some brain bleeding

but he'll be okay

although the medical team
noted in a paper
published Friday

previous cases
of minor brain damage

associated with heavy metal music.

It's all well and good
to be cautious

but Dr. Islamian
could be a little
less presumptuous

in saying that
had the patient
gone "to a classical concert
this would not have happened"

as if classical concert-goers
don't feel the urge
to nod heartily

along with the conductor
during some really
bitchin' violin cadenza.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Going Fourth

President Obama says
"If they are really concerned
about me taking

too many executive actions
the best solution to that 

is passing bills."

Let it be known
that the now-anointed-by-
the-independent-
all-seeing-and-deciding-eye
-known-as-History-

Bush issued 291
during his two terms

(and one of those
allowed some
moderate unkindness

to people that were
probably all really bad
for really really sure)

compared with Obama's 182

with one possibly
on the way

for immigration reform.

Everyone by now
has seen the 2012 clip
of Obama singing Al Green

but probably not
the more politically pertinent
Sly Stone bit

he performed in front
of both houses of Congress
late on June 27th

(the Friday night
before the week-long recess).

"I want to thank you
for letting me
be myself

again

and again and again
and again."

The repetition initially
invited some rhythmic
bipartisan clapping

until the realization
amongst GOP members
that clapping
appeared to symbolize agreement.

One step forward
two steps back.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Coulter of Personality

Now that Belgium
yesterday beat the US team
2 to 1

in the 2014 World Cup

kicking Americans
out of contention

and erasing forever
any fervor we had
for the sport

Ann Coulter
will have to find
a new target

on which to balance
our "nation's moral decay".

Because as we know
her provocative commentary

comes from a place
of wholesome grandparently concern
for maintaining

our social cohesion
through such unifying traditions

as playfully hazing
bearded or robed
or just plain weird-looking immigrants

(actual or apparent
since you can't take chances)
until they prove themselves
not to be terrorists

and keeping our
first black president honest

by judging him
through a refreshingly
ahistorical lens.

Since her commentary
requires painstaking research

to make a thoughtful
and convincing case

it will surely
be a while before we hear
from her again.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Sing Out of F. Scott Key

For this Fourth of July holiday
no one's asking you

to quit blasting
at your drink-heavy
beachside barbecue

spiritedly patriotic Lee Greenwood
for helping "God
Bless the USA"

or Toby Keith
for being "Made in America"

or politically-neutral
isolationist chiller Jimmy Buffet

for lounging
away from it all
in "Margaritaville"

but along with those tunes

America-hating liberals everywhere
remind you to also play

"With A Little Help
From My Friends"

(either the Beatles'
or Joe Cocker's version is fine)

because after all
we're made independent

only through togetherness.

Thank you
for this brief
public service announcement.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.