Some Mission Accomplished

Nothing motivates people
on the other side
of the aisle

to rally around you
or at least
to dislike you less

quite like accusing them

whether as justification
for arresting them

or otherwise

of being ISIS supporters.

This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

Getting Primed

(Apologies to Herman's Hermits)

There's a kind of hush
all through the GOP debate tonight.

All through the debate
you can hear the sound

of policy discussed

and not being mean?

(At least
until March 15th.)

This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

Better Make This Count

Goodbye Nancy Reagan.

From early accusations

that you were returning
the White House

to a pre-feminist era
of fancy entertainment

expensive china
and designer gowns

to your "Just Say No"
anti-drug campaign

to your nickname
at the end of your husband's career

as a "dragon lady"
who wielded excessive power
and astrology

over the Reagan administration

to your vocal advocacy
for Alzheimer's research

and later
for embryonic stem cell research

you led a varied life.

And with your quote

"A woman is like a tea bag.

You can not tell
how strong she is

until you put her
in hot water"

you will be remembered
for the most positive
and least offensive

(either in a triggered visual
or political sense)

modern allusion to "teabagging".

This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

Diplomatic Immunity

Scientists at the University College London

have made 
a major breakthrough

that may further bolster immunotherapies
as effective and individualized treatments
for cancer.

They say they have discovered
a way to identify
similar markings

that show up
in different tumors.

And now the GOP

may have found
Donald Trump's Achilles' heel

which may involve
bringing to light

not the size
of his anatomy

(a smear
which Trump easily denied)

but a business history

littered with many bankrupt companies

and most of the 17 "Trump" buildings
in Manhattan

for which he has merely
licensed his name
but does not own.

The only hard part

or at least the first part

of the de-Trumping process
will be finding and fighting

all the little pieces
in the party and electorate

that look like him.

(The second part
is replacing them

with something that doesn't.)

This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

The Recycle Bin

Among the newly released documents
seized from Osama bin Laden's
compound in Pakistan

on May 2 of 2011

is an undated letter
"to the American people"

appearing to have been written
shortly after President Obama
took office in 2009

and which blames corporate lobbyists
for the then-recent financial crisis

and the wars
in Iraq and Afghanistan. 

His letter calls on Americans
to launch "a great revolution for freedom"

to liberate Obama
from these concerns.

In a separate and unsigned letter

bin Laden encourages
a close aide

to stage a media campaign

on the tenth anniversary
of the World Trade Center attacks

September 11 2011

to force Americans to make
"a rational decision
to save humanity

from the harmful gases
that threaten its destiny"

rather than continue
its perceived war against Islam.

It can only be imagined

just how the beliefs
of a long-dead man
killed during Obama's administration

will persuade
Republican presidential candidates

to claim Democrats
are supporting terrorism
by fighting climate change.

This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

Aaron's Party

Who knew that Aaron Carter

the former party-pop sensation
and younger brother

of former Backstreet Boy
Nick Carter

even with his equal parts-military cadence
and pep rally-style
hit from 2002

called "America A O"

(which actually includes
in un-Trumpian fashion

"half black
white
Spanish"

and "Chinese"

in the list of people
to whom he requests
"show me what you got"

in the friendliest sense)

would tweet his support
for Donald Trump

and thereby indicate his approval

of the "Our parents
made us do this"

freelance "Freedom Kids"

rather than Bernie Sanders

who has no official mascots

but fans who make
catchy and moving music videos

which actually articulate
his intended policy goals

and continuously spoken and lived values?

Carter has since
had to defend his endorsement

in a continuous stream of tweets

telling fans he believed
Trump would support gay rights

but would not vote for him
if he didn't.

That may be an optimistic view
of the candidate

whose response to his endorsement
by former Grand Wizard
of the Ku Klux Klan

Dr. David Duke

was "I disavow it.

Okay?"


This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

Savaging the Status Quo

In a guest post for SCOTUSblog

President Obama
has described his criteria

for nominating the next
Supreme Court justice.

His ideal candidate
would have "a sterling record"

"a deep respect
for the judiciary role"

and "an understanding of the way
the world really works."

Even staunch Obama-haters
would do well to consider
whether Sarah Palin

to whom it would be only fair
if Donald Trump gave
some political office

(if not the Vice Presidency)

in return for her skilled campaigning
on his behalf

would be the best person
for this role.

This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

The Right to Fall

We say goodbye to you
Jeb Bush

as you exit
the presidential race.

Though no one
with a memory
of a not-so-distant past

has been clamoring
for another Bush
in the White House

this poet occasionally
did feel sorry
for Mr. "Low Energy"

if only because
Donald Trump's making fun of him

brought him the tiniest bit
more in touch

with every other demographic.

This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

The Antipope

When Pope Francis says
that Donald Trump

as "a person who thinks only
about building walls

wherever they may be
and not building bridges"

is therefore "not Christian”

the obvious response for Trump

is clearly neither
keeping his mouth shut

nor even claiming
that his border wall

is in fact
a border wall of love

but instead saying
in a speech in South Carolina

"For a religious leader
to question a person's faith
is disgraceful"

and adding

"The Mexican government fed the pope
a tremendous amount of stuff

about 'Trump is not
a good person'.

Can you imagine that?"

This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

Stupidity Regarded as Wisdom

Justice Antonin Scalia
who was found dead Saturday
at a Texas ranch

at the age of 79
and who had chronic health problems

was no doubt murdered via heart attack
given by a president
who wants to fill his seat

to create a now Democrat-majority court
who will kowtow
to his socialist agenda

and who himself continues to receive
both emailed and tweeted death threats

according to Republican conspiracy theorists

also known as Fox News'
primary source of information.

This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

Cut Along the Bias

In a new gender-blind study

a six-person team
of computer science researchers

looked at three million contributions
or "pull requests"

on the repository website GitHub

and found
that when the gender
of a contributor was unknown

a woman's code
was accepted 78.6 percent
of the time

while a man's
was accepted only 74.6 percent
of the time

though women
were more likely
to have their code rejected

when gender was revealed.

Though the results
have not yet been peer-reviewed

what might they indicate

about male politicians
Ted Cruz and Donald Trump

debating which of them
is more pro-restricting abortion rights

and simultaneously
more pro-woman
than the other?

Probably nothing.

This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

Just Bee-ing Herself

Samantha Bee
a former correspondent
for Jon Stewart

on "The Daily Show"

last night premiered
her weekly show "Full Frontal" on TBS.

With her debut
she has become

the first woman 
on American television

to host a late-night show

taking witty aim
at both Hillary Clinton's
and Bernie Sanders'

(as it is true
that despite their respective merits
they are still politicians)

claims to authenticity.

But as the ultimate test

of her inheritance
to the hosting throne

this poet proposes
that her next topic

be comparing Bernie Sanders
and his vocal condemnation
of sexist "Bernie Bros"

to Donald Trump
and his endorsement through repetition

of a New Hampshire voter's assessment
of Ted Cruz

as a certain part

of female anatomy.

This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

Real Talk

Bernie Sanders

not only a current politician
but a former actor
who played Rabbi Manny Shevitz

in the low-budget
(which is suitably populist)
1999 romantic comedy

"My X-Girlfriend’s Wedding Reception"

in which he condemned
the 1957 transfer

of the Brooklyn Dodgers
to Los Angeles

(a politically formative event
for the politician)

and a neighbor
giving out candy on Halloween

in another romcom

the 1988 film "Sweet Heart's Dance"

will be on Saturday Night Live tonight

and Bill Maher

who certainly does not do so
for everybody

has given him
the ringing endorsement

of "Fuck yeah."

This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

Help in Patience and Prayer

Should it be progressive

for President Obama
to visit a mosque in Baltimore

and then to tell the people there

"If you’re ever wondering
whether you fit in here

let me say it
as clearly as I can

as president of the United States.

You fit in here

right here”?

It doesn't matter

but the rest of the country
believing that they do

would certainly be progress.

This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

Life's Rich Pageant

It seems as though
if Donald Trump trusted anyone

it would be
the conventionally attractive women

of his Miss USA competition.

Or maybe it doesn't.

A former Miss Iowa competitor

Elizabeth Mae Davidson

and current field organizer
for Trump's presidential campaign

was fired after mentioning
in a New York Times article

that she was paid less
for doing the same jobs as men

and banned from speaking
at rallies and events

while male organizers were not.

Though she worked part-time
and had a second job
as a paralegal

male employees in her position
were not docked

for working part-time.

If on the off chance

he ever wanted
to rectify the situation

maybe he could borrow
some of the $20 million

Bernie Sanders' campaign
raised in January.

This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.