The Fate of the Republic

On Wednesday
an unusually warm November day

this poet
was just one member of
the sweaty huddled masses

who in between
listening to down-ballot Democrats
and James Taylor

was waiting for hours
on the Hooker Fields' AstroTurf
yearning to see

President Obama

who would give a speech
encouraging us to vote
for Hillary Clinton.

Naturally while we were fully "with her"
for the future

we were with him now.

While he spoke

this poet had two thoughts

one that maybe
if everyone here
this multi-hued cross-section of America

consisting largely
of Trump's deplorables

(who unlike Hillary's
merely exist on the same planet as he)

and Baby Boomer ladies
wearing "Nasty Woman" hats

and pale college kids
saying "Preach!"

and singing to "Carolina in My Mind"

(despite not being born
till 30 years after the song's release)

were in agreement
about our future

then maybe
"the fate of the republic"
could be supported on our shoulders

and two
that maybe all that repudiation of the wrong
and embrace of the right

wouldn't be enough.




This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper

PFLAG-rant

Nothing conveys Donald Trump's support
for the LGBT community better

than when he retrieved the iconic rainbow flag
with "LGBTs for Trump"
scribbled on it

from a front-row supporter

and proudly displayed it to the audience

ignorant that when the text was readable
the symbolic colors
were in upside-down order

with red at the bottom
and violet at the top

making it entirely possible
that the audience member
is not a member of said community.

In fact
Donald Trump plans to sign
the First Amendment Defense Act

which would allow for discrimination
against LGBT people

and also intends to install Supreme Court justices
who would overturn marriage equality.

It's not his fault
the flag was upside-down

but he's always proud
to overturn human rights.



This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper

This is His Costume

When designing a last-minute
Halloween costume

keep in mind

that friendly parody of a public figure

often makes for a memorable
and easily-acquired outfit. 

With Donald Trump
if he has said anything that is true

it's that what you see
is truly what you get

and a real parody of him
as Saturday Night Live has proven

is impossible 

as there is no room
between the grotesque exaggeration
and the reality of him. 

(And that's scary!)


This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper

Happy Birthday Nasty Woman

(Sung to Hillary Clinton on her 69th birthday)

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

America needs a "nasty woman"

Happy birthday to you.

This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper

De-Snowbilization

For any still-undecided voters
a recent television ad
from Donald Trump

sums up the heart of his campaign.

Unlike Hillary Clinton
he will "turn Washington upside-down"

much like a glass snowglobe

(to excuse
the pre-Halloween Christmas analogy)

denuded of its precipitation
by an ignorant tiny hand

who destabilizes the also-tiny
and imperfect but complex village within

before carelessly letting go.


This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

A Magnanimous Winner

Let it not be said

that feelings of entitlement

are exclusive
to the younger generations.

After his ambiguous
and democracy-defying statement
at last night's debate

saying that he would
"keep [us] in suspense"

as to whether
he would accept the election results
if Hillary Clinton won

today Donald Trump
has walked back that statement

by doubling down
and saying what of course
he really meant

and thus writing
the parody Onion article himself

which is

"I would like to promise and pledge
to all of my voters and supporters

and to all of the people
of the United States

that I will totally accept the results
of this great and historic presidential election

if I win."


This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

Neva-Da Tacos

People who attend

the final presidential debate

at the University of Nevada on Wednesday

will have no shortage

of food options

assuming that desired option

is one kind 

of delicious Mexican food.

Members of the Culinary Union

who argue that Trump

is illegally refusing to bargain with them

aim to corral at least five taco trucks

into the shape of a wall

outside the Trump International Hotel Las Vegas

conveniently located just a few miles away

from the debate venue.

Too bad the Republican candidate's Hispanic outreach director

 A.J. Delgado

(who suffice it to say

has not been doing

a very good job thus far)

seems to welcome this development.

This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

Trump-rested Development

Ron Howard

the Opie from Andy Griffith
who grew up to create

the sitcom "Arrested Development"
about a dysfunctional family

has made the online video
"TRUMP-rested Development"

in which he contradicts
the candidate's best lies

(since nothing he says
is truthful

but only a few
are very special "foundational" lies

complete with little lie rivulets
and nesting lies

simultaneously precariously holding his world together
and threatening to tear it apart).

“I was the one who got him to produce
the birth certificate

and I think I did a good job”

Trump brags at the first debate.

"But he really didn't"
says Howard.

“Secretary Clinton also fought it
I mean
and now everyone in mainstream

is going to say
‘Oh, that’s not true.’ It’s true.”

“But it wasn’t”
says Howard.

Then Trump denies
ever saying pregnant women
were inconvenient for a business

and the video cuts to him
saying that exact thing
in an NBC interview

and ends with him explaining his efforts
to build a relationship
with African-American voters

with the subtitle
"Footage Not Found."

Maybe after he loses
he'll deny he ever tried
to run for president

(though everyone else
would love to forget it).


This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

Vote Grabbing

This November 8
all voters should stroll into the voting booth

with their heads up high
and their hands down low

grabbing their own private parts
whatever they may be

and proudly lock up Donald Trump
in the prison
of his own mind.




This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

She's A Fighter

For the final question
of tonight's town hall-style
second presidential debate

each candidate was asked
to name something positive
about the other

and Donald Trump actually did

thus putting this poet
into agreement with him
on this one point.

"She doesn't quit.
She doesn't give up. I respect that."
This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

The Power of a Wish

If you are terminally ill

Donald Trump
has just "made a wish"

that you would stick around
long enough to vote for him.

“I don’t care
if you just came back from the doctor

and he gave you the worst possible prognosis
meaning it’s over
you won’t be around in two weeks.

Doesn’t matter.

Hang out till November 8.
Get out and vote.”

Needless to say

if you're the sort of person
who cares about the welfare

of future generations
of human beings

even ones
that you will never meet

you're probably
not a Trump voter.


This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

A Genius Tax Deviser

Before the next presidential debate
on October 9

Hillary Clinton may want to consider
arming herself with an itemized budget

that sums up the revenue lost to the United States
because Donald Trump
and only Donald Trump

didn't pay federal income tax

for eighteen years

and dividing that amount
by the tax revenue

paid by a typical working person
during that time

to get an average
"Trump quotient"

also known as
"how many Americans
it has taken
to compensate for his huge genius."

This poet is happy to provide
any appropriate Trump-based puns.


This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

Three AM Eternal

During the 2008 primaries
the Hillary Clinton campaign
made a somewhat ominous commercial asking voters

who they wanted to answer
the hypothetical 3 AM phone call

to respond to an impending
and presumably gravely-harmful-to-Americans crisis.

It should be noted
that only one presidential candidate

Donald Trump
was awake at 3:20 this morning

taking to Twitter
to remind reporters
of the importance of maintaining journalistic integrity

in these politically-fraught times

with "Anytime you see a story about me
or my campaign saying 'sources said,'
DO NOT believe it.

There are no sources,
they are just made up lies!"

(with no trace of irony
from a person who regularly employs the line
"People say").

Then not two hours later

he commenced a trio of tweets
declaring Hillary Clinton was "duped"

about the former Miss Universe contestant
Alicia Machado

culminating the saga
at 5:30 AM

by asking America
to do its citizenly duty and research

with "Did Crooked Hillary help disgusting
(check out sex tape and past) Alicia M
become a U.S. citizen

so she could use her in the debate?".

Sources say Donald Trump
may have helped Melania skirt visa laws
because she was hot

and that evidence of a supposed sex tape

(which shouldn't negate
one's "goodness" anyway)

was gleaned from the right-wing conspiracy theorist Alex Jones'
website InfoWars.com.

Given that it was a reasonable 10:20 AM
in Nairobi Kenya

maybe he was discreetly
trying to catch Obama
also being awake

and Skype-ing with his homeland.

This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

Trump is the Loneliest Number

(Apologies to Harry Nilsson and Three Dog Night)
(After Donald Trump's First Debate)

Trump gave the sorriest number
that he'll ever do

or two may be more bad for Trump
and three'll drop his share of the vote
down to number one.

This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

'Bate and Switch

Monday night
is the first presidential debate

between Hillary Clinton
and Donald Trump.

One candidate is researching
and fielding endless rounds of practice questions

while the other is preparing
for a different kind of 'bating

(and will have a terrible time
even doing that).

This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

We Make It Brighter

Happy 82nd birthday
Leonard Cohen

who today announced
that his forthcoming LP
"You Want It Darker"

will be released
on October 21st.

The title track
has Cohen almost-speaking
with a crackling but precise timbre

talking to God

who is put in the awkward position
of having one of His believers give up
on a rigged and losing hand

with "If you are the dealer
I'm out of the game"

and who is struck
(so to speak)

by the realization
that the Lord
gave him “permission
to murder and to maim.”

A cheery song
it is not

but one that reminds us
that we can make the choice

to play a different game.

This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

Mar and Let Go

Today in 1793
George Washington laid the cornerstone
to the United States Capitol building.

During the War of 1812
after the British
set it on fire

a thunderstorm saved the building
from being completely destroyed.

During the Civil War
the Capitol was used
as a hospital and barracks.

Expansions and upgrades
continued into the twentieth century

and the house
if not always the soul of democracy

has survived
despite all.

May the new president
not make any unnecessary renovations

nor intentionally bankrupt
our democratic experiment.

This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

Fifty States of "No Way"

The sequel to the much-maligned movie
based on the sequel
of the much-maligned book

Fifty Shades of Grey

called Fifty Shades Darker

is set to open in movie theaters
on February 17th of next year.

Donald Trump has already been playing Christian Grey

or "the mysterious billionaire
who invites America
to a relationship

in which his pretenses to populism

constantly give way
to gross misrepresentations

of the economic frustrations
that he claims to understand

accompanied by abusive behavior
in public and private

which has always been a part
of the now-candidate

and which throughout the campaign cycle
has been an almost-daily occurrence."

On Tuesday November 8th

it's time to break up with him.

This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

Only Positive Results

Hillary Clinton
left a September 11th commemorative event early

complaining of feeling hot

and was subsequently diagnosed
with pneumonia.

And naturally
many "Retrumplicans" feel vindicated

in their prior assessments
of her health.

Even after taking into account
that Donald Trump pressured

his less-than-scrupulous doctor
into writing a glowing review
of the Republican candidate's health

in five minutes

as he waited in a limo

he may very well
be completely physiologically well

but it should be apparent
that if Clinton gets sick in office

it'll be working pneumonia.


This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

Continental Regress


On this day in 1776
the Continental Congress

adopted a resolution
to call their freshly acquired lands "United States"

instead of "United Colonies". 

On this day in 2017
this poet will inform you

if this remains the same

or if the current president
has generously licensed his name

to "we the people"

for a very modest fee. 

This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.