Delaying the Death Party

Senate Republicans
have postponed a vote
to replace the Affordable Care Act

until after the July 4th recess.

As it turns out
if you call yourself pro-life

hordes of angry voters
among them those who gave Trump his power

will rudely presume you meant
"post-conception."

This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper.

In Like Lynne Patton

When selecting an appointee
for a critical department of government

Trump has a few important criteria
for determining which individual

is most prepared
for the job at hand.

The individual in question
must be

a friend

a former employee
of someone in the family

or a random Republican
of whom he has heard

and more than anything
must be either dangerously incompetent
or purposely malicious

or both.



This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper.

Deplorable Wealth Snare

There was a time

in the not-too-distant past

when Republicans in Congress

would openly and shamelessly present

their atrocious Affordable Care Act

replacement bills

to the floor

their mean and life-threatening suggestions

on full display

to the public.

Now trapped as they are

in the self-created Trump unreality vortex

the emotion they feel is

(to be gracious)

the meek first step to shame

namely having been caught

creating another terrible bill

and feeling too cowardly

to release the evidence

of any wrongdoing.

And in a bizarre twist

even the man

who just yesterday was unanimously placated

by a creepily sycophantic cabinet

calls it "mean."

This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper.

Make Our Planet Great Again

Donald Trump

you may have done
the cowardly thing
and pulled out

of the Paris Agreement

but the climate change baby
is still yours

as it is ours.

So even if you
are an absent father

the rest of the country

and the rest of the world

will do the responsible thing
and take care of it.


This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper.

Profiles in Discouraging

Writing a dating profile
for the leader of the free world

who resolves every day
to make it less free

is not an easy task
but is nonetheless
worth a shot.

Trump likes his steaks well done
and slathered in ketchup

and his pointless beefs German

with a side
of isolationism

that threatens America's
trustworthiness and reputation
with long-time allies.

He likes his communications directors
quiet and compliant

and his Representatives
violent towards journalists.

The brutal leaders he likes
will not even receive
a slap on the wrist

but at least
he gets them himself
from frustrated spouses.


This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper.

A Hole in One Term

Even in the Trump era
occasionally a bit of good news

merciful and wholesome
manages to find its way to us.

A large sinkhole
has opened up

in front of Mar-a-Lago

and while the President
was unfortunately abroad
at the time

at least we have a reminder
that later or sooner

all bad things
come to an end.


This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper.

Peach is the Trumpest Color

Listen Donnie
how unfair to your high standards
would it be

if after eviscerating Hillary
for her handling
of classified emails

you shared classified information
about terrorism
with Russia

thereby threatening our relationship
with the anonymous Middle Eastern country

who let us be privy to that knowledge
and who was under the impression
that we would use it to assist them

in fighting ISIS

and still got to keep your job?






This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper.

Underappreci-yated

Be a woman.
Do your job
as acting attorney general

and tell him
that his national security adviser

has lied to the vice president
about his Russian contacts

and is vulnerable to blackmail.

Get fired.

After getting fired
keep your cool
in a hearing

and armed with information
and poise and patience

revealing information
that could lead to the realization

that he did one thing
or a few things
or many things

which are illegal
and thereby

irk your Twitter-happy
thin-skinned
weak-willed

compulsive liar of a former boss
into tweeting
the witness-intimidating

"Ask Sally Yates,
under oath, if she knows
how classified information

got into the newspapers soon
after she explained it
to W.H. Counsel".

Then after all of that

in serving Trump
and his dishonorable administration

you will have honorably preserved
not only your dignity
through it all

but American democracy.



This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper.

One Hundred Three Days of Trumpitude

This past Sunday
Congress came up with a spending deal
to keep the government open until September.

The deal will not fund
Trump's border wall

nor decrease the budget
for sanctuary cities.

Even more infuriatingly
should the bipartisan bill pass

spending will increase for domestic programs

and protections put in place
for Planned Parenthood
and Affordable Care Act subsidies.

In response
Donald Trump tweeted

"The reason for the plan negotiated
between the Republicans and Democrats

is that we need 60 votes in the Senate
which are not there!

We either
elect more Republican Senators in 2018
or change the rules now to 51%.

Our country
needs a good 'shutdown'
in September to fix mess!"

and thereby assuring all Americans
that he puts personal agenda
over maintaining a functioning government

and that when the going gets tough
the defeated get whiny.

This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper.

Ratings Trump Tragedy

Thanks Donald Trump
for reminding us

that on September 11th 2001

our country experienced
a terrorist attack
that killed three thousand people

and was watched on TV
by some millions of people

but which is a not-nearly-as-impressive
number of millions
as you have been able to achieve bigly.

And thank you
for boosting the morale
of a nation in the midst of conflict

much of which
you are responsible for creating

by putting your mark down
solidly in favor
of overcoming national tragedies

the only way
you know how.





This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper.

An Extended Tax Break

Tweeted the President of the United States
at 9:07 AM
on Sunday April 16th

"I did what was an almost an impossible thing
to do for a Republican-easily won the Electoral College!

Now Tax Returns are brought up again?"

sounding like a whiny dictator
who became 6th-grade class president

and resents having to keep the promises
he made during his campaign

because he definitely
has something to hide.



This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper.

Here Comes Liar Conning Tales

Dear Sean Spicer

if you felt anything like shame
for incorrectly saying that Hitler
unlike Syrian President Bashar al-Assad

"didn't even sink to using chemical weapons"

and that
“I think when you come to sarin gas
he was not using the gas

on his own people the same way
that Assad is doing"

you would
for just one day
specifically this Sunday

retreat to your prior
and far more noble role
as the White House Easter Bunny.



This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper.

Going Nuclear

If one has trouble figuring out

just which features of government
are essential to a healthy and functional democracy

one should see which components
the GOP thinks work too well

such as
for instance
the Senate filibuster

which minority leader Chuck Schumer
with fellow Democrats
has pledged to do

in hopes of delaying or blocking
the nomination of Neil Gorsuch
to the Supreme Court.

Mitch McConnell
with his characteristic dry wit

calls the effort
a "new low"

and wants to use the so-called nuclear option
to abolish the ability

of the minority party
to filibuster Supreme Court nominations.

And a message to Democrats would be

"If it ain't broke yet
keep using it."


This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper.

A Spider Who Swallowed A Spicer

This poet's home state

of North Carolina

despite costing itself roughly $4 billion and dignity with HB2

is still capable of winning basketball games

and putting out research about spiders

namely that

theoretically of course

these arachnids

who live in 68 percent of bathrooms

(and who shun HB2 altogether

for the record)

and more than three-fourths of bedrooms

given their consumption of 400 to 800 billion tons

of food in a year

would be able to eat every last person on Earth

by March 28th of 2018. 

The two species

currently get along

except for the occasional

biting and smooshing each other

and we should vow

to keep it that way

though it wouldn't hurt to throw 

a few light snacks their way

in the form of government handouts

(so to speak)

just to be nice.

This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper.

Neil Please Don't-Suck

Dear Neil Gorsuch

possible appointee
to the Supreme Court

if you get confirmed
please remember that you said

"No one.
Not even the president
is above the law."

That is all

(for now).


This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper.

For Microwaves of Grain

Setting aside the fact
that Trump starting a rumor
that President Obama "had [his] wires tapped"
during his campaign

is a good distraction from Russia and Azerbaijan and healthcare
and he probably is as tethered to this lie

as he is to real reality
(meaning accidentally if at all)

before Kellyanne Conway
is barred from all networks
for being a liar

with the bigger vocabulary
and the "if I just keep talking you can't interrupt me"-speed of talking
that her boss cannot provide

we citizens should take a moment

to appreciate her skill
for interweaving the wacky idea

with the passive-aggressive
"I'm just throwing it out there
don't shoot the messenger"-style statement
that slowly erodes the country's credibility.

“I’m not Inspector Gadget.
I don’t believe people
are using the microwave

to spy on the Trump campaign” she said.

“However I’m not in the job of having evidence.
That’s what investigations are for.”

But of course
Michelle Obama always knew
how judgmental those seemingly-placid microwaves were

which is why
she planted that organic vegetable garden
in the first place.


This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper.

No Woman No Buy

Wednesday March 8th

is the Day Without A Woman strike
and International Women's Day.

Tomorrow the women who are able
will skip work

(and those who can and can't

will wear red

refrain from shopping

ask the men in their life
for some help for once

and attend rallies)

thus demonstrating even and especially
to those (including some leaders of the free world)
who don't believe so

that in addition to immigrants
the economy depends on women.

And please dear POTUS
of course you won't

but if you learn anything from a crowd more massive
than the one at your inauguration
or the "March 4 Trump"

the lyrics to Bob Marley's
"No Woman, No Cry"

have nothing to do
with how "sad" it is

that angry women exist.


This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper.

Bushwhacked

Donald Trump's presence
in the White House

turns the rest of reality
on its axis

such that the man
who started two wars
in the Middle East

authorized enhanced interrogation techniques
and put the country
trillions of dollars in debt

(for example)

can say of our current president

“I don’t like the racism
and I don’t like the name-calling
and I don’t like the people feeling alienated.”



This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper

A Jerk and a Chicken

(Apologies to Rihanna and Drake)
(Sung by Donald Trump in bad rendition of reggae song)

Trust I'm not deserting
At Mar-a-Lago I am lurking
The fake news media don't like it
But the Fox, they are the nicest

I'm prepared to handle ISIS
You know I'll tweet in any crisis

I believe in the crowds' adoration
I'm stupid and mean and impatient
I treat you all like ego decoration
Told you I have no moral foundation

All that I wanted from you was to give me the
Attention that I've always had
Privilege that I've always seen
Coddled like I've always been

Mm-hmm
A fine-tuned machine don't get nothing wrong
Just get ready for

Work work work work work work
Act like I never
Work work work work work work
They see me
Playing golf golf golf golf golf golf

Say me and Putin ain't gon'
Work work work work work work
Sad sad sad sad sad sad
I refuse to learn learn learn learn learn learn

Don't agree wit' me
get spurned spurned spurned spurned spurned spurned

This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper

Out Like Flynn

Donald Trump's
National Security Adviser
Michael T. Flynn

has resigned
after admitting he misled Vice President Pence

about the subject of his conversations
with the Russian ambassador Sergey I. Kislyak

just after the election

reviving questions about the closeness
of the President's ties to the country.

Maybe one of these days
if not on Valentine's Day

Trump will realize
he was conned

into a one-sided bromance.


This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper