Tuesday, March 3, 2020

Commedia dell Vote-ay

In this issue

it's almost time
for the identity
of the Super Blues-day superhero
to be revealed.

Guaranteed to be
Better Than Mr. Orange (TM)
in some way

the Voting Body can rest assured
that the next four years
will feature a presidency
with at least measurably reduced levels

of fearmongering
and Tweets
featuring said -mongerings and -makings.

After today
there will be no more voting
and the ever-changing Voting Body shall be released from ...

Wait a minute

the Voting Body

won't reveal the hero's certain identity
till almost the summer

and there's a Super Reds-day identity
waiting to be revealed too?

And this person
will likely be the hero's
arch nemesis
Mr. Orange?

And the Voting Body
in eight months

will choose between
Fine or Better and Worse Than Death

with characters like
Mr. Russian Hacker

Mr. Voter Suppression

and Mr. Slightly Embarrassing Political Moments
from Hero's Past

possibly making an appearance?

Yes to this and more.

Stay tuned.

This poem © 2020 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, February 25, 2020

Truth Alone Triumphs

At a press conference
in India today

Trump of course
remained focused on affirming the rights of Muslims
to live freely without persecution in the country

admonished Prime Minister Modi
for his citizenship law

and said that he experienced
"serious regret"

after the US Supreme Court ruled in favor
of the recently-revised "public charge" rule

that now makes it harder for immigrants
receiving certain kinds of non-cash benefits
like healthcare assistance
food aid and housing subsidies 
for more than a year
to get green cards

upon realizing that it probably would've excluded
people like his grandfather
from immigrating to the US.

Then Trump woke up
from his fever dream

and back in ours
also known as reality

said of Supreme Court Justices
Sotomayor and Ginsburg

“I just don’t know 
how they cannot recuse themselves
from anything having to do with Trump
or Trump-related"

mischaracterizing Sotomayor's criticism
of the appellate process
catering to the federal government

as an attack on himself personally.


This poem © 2020 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, February 18, 2020

Commuting to 2020 (Haiku)

Fox News here's a thought.
Bring on Kellyanne Conway
to spread a new lie:

Trump's bipartisan
for commuting the sentence
of Blagojevich.

This poem © 2020 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, February 11, 2020

Curb Your Understanding

There's people who don't get
well-done satire

and then there's Trump's almost satirical-seeming
misunderstanding of such

when on Monday
he retweeted an expletive-filled scene

from Curb Your Enthusiasm

in which Larry David
after almost hitting a motorcyclist with his car

puts on his MAGA hat

to de-escalate the situation.

The motorcyclist
seeing the hat
and believing the two
are politically kindred spirits

calms down and tells David
simply to be more careful next time.

Trump captioned the scene
with "Tough Guys for Trump."

But in an earlier scene

David uses the hat

as a "people repellent"

to get out of playing golf
with his manager
who doesn't want to be seen

with a Trump supporter

then wears it at a sushi bar
so he can enjoy a meal
by himself.

As for Trump supporters
who watch the show

David didn't care
too much about them
being alienated
by the episode

saying in an interview
(in almost haiku form)
“Alienate yourselves.
Go go and alienate.
You have my blessing.”

This poem © 2020 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, February 4, 2020

State of the Sand Dunes

At Trump's hopefully last
State of the Union address

don't drink every time

the POTUS tells a lie

or praises himself for something good that happened
that really would've happened anyway

or remarks on his
approval rating

or brags about him
and the country
emerging triumphant
from a so-called "witch hunt"

or you'll get alcohol poisoning.

Instead think about how

sand dunes of the same height and volume
when put into a rotating tank
with enough water flow
to move the particles

will initially move at different speeds

due to the upstream sand dunes
"communicating" with their downstream neighbors
"I need my space."

After that
having found their places
180 degrees apart from each other

the two dunes
move at roughly same speed.

Then think about
how this applies
to American politics

and realize
that people of all stripes
and with opposite views
that will remain such

perhaps had to repel each other
before coming to the same conclusion

that someone
anyone else

should be in charge.

This poem © 2020 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, January 28, 2020

Surrender Is Not An Option

Dear John Bolton

After writing in your book

that Trump tied aid to Ukraine

to his request
that the country
announce investigations into the Bidens

I still don't think
I like you
as a person

but thank you.

This poem © 2020 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, January 21, 2020

Dream On

Kellyanne Conway

when asked why President Trump
was not formally celebrating Martin Luther King, Jr. Day

after saying he believed
much of what the civil rights leader stood for

said she did not believe it was
"within Dr. King's vision to have Americans
dragged through a process
where the president is not going to be removed from office"

and added

"I think that anybody who cares about
'and justice for all'
on today or any day of the year

will appreciate the fact
that the president now
will have a full-throttle defense
on the facts."

But perhaps she's right.

Because after all
who knows
what MLK really would've
thought of a man

who in a past life

kept minorities from living
in his housing units

and in a current life

takes to Twitter
and the stage to antagonize
nearly everyone
except himself?

Or maybe

just maybe

in her first statement
she's saying

that Americans will have wasted their time
putting up with this whole trial business

unless it ends with the satisfying conclusion
of having Trump removed from office?

(Perhaps not.)

This poem © 2020 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, January 14, 2020

Life Sentences

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi
announced today

that the House would be voting tomorrow
on a resolution
to name the impeachment managers
for the President's Senate trial

and transmit the articles
to the chamber.

Said Mitch McConnell
"It will fall to us
to do what the founders intended--
to take the long view

move beyond partisan passions
and do what the long-term good
of our institutions and our nation demands."

despite any illusions to the contrary
 he is actually speaking Trump-loyalist-ese

this most likely means
Trump will remain in office

but as Pelosi reminded us
Trump is still
"impeached for life."

And as Prince told us
"That's a mighty long time."

This poem © 2020 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, December 17, 2019

Just Peachy

Quite ironically

in a letter
to Nancy Pelosi
Trump calls the impeachment inquiry
an "open war on American democracy"

and declares that Pelosi views
"democracy as the enemy."

What's it like to be impeached?

In all seriousness

given his toddler-esque defensiveness

we can only assume

it is
(or soon will be)
the pits.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, December 10, 2019

Fitting Articles

To those who can
recognize the obvious

the man-who-thinks-he's-emperor
wears no articles of clothing
(only figuratively
thank God)

but he may soon wear
the articles of impeachment

Abuse of Power
and Obstruction of Congress

which are the only brands
that really suit him.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, November 26, 2019

His Bread and Butter

Dear President Trump

This poet is wondering
if you made a mistake
when you pardoned turkeys Bread and Butter

as they are good and decent animals

and unlike Eddie Gallagher
did not commit
any war crimes.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, November 19, 2019

Blowing His Own Whistle

Complained Republican Representative Jim Jordan of Ohio
last Wednesday

“There is one witness
one witness

that they won’t bring in front of us
they won’t bring in front
of the American people

and that’s the guy
who started it all

the whistleblower,”

going on to claim that
House Intelligence Chair Adam Schiff
knew the whistleblower's identity

and that the whistleblower
was "biased" against Trump.

Replied Democratic Representative Peter Welch of Vermont

“I say to my colleague
I’d be glad to have the person
who started it all
come in and testify.

President Trump is welcome
to take a seat right there.”

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, November 12, 2019

Hindsight 2020

A series of ads released by the left-leaning super PAC
American Bridge

will feature rural Trump 2016 supporters

explaining why they voted for him before

and why that decision
was a mistake.

"This will be unlike
any paid media campaign before,"

says Shripal Shah
the group's vice president.

"It will be hyperlocal
authentic storytelling

that highlights local voices
to create a permission structure

for Trump 2016 voters
to flip back to our side in 2020.”

So dear former Trump voters
with a conscience

please please please

take it with you
when you go to the polls

for if you do

you will be correcting your mistake
and thereby doing so much better
than the person you once supported
has ever done.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, November 5, 2019

Super Tweet-Spewing

Google has created a quantum processor
that can supposedly perform
in two minutes and twenty seconds

calculations that would take the fastest supercomputer
10,000 years to complete.

But that's nothing
if you read
The New York Times' various studies
revealing that Trump has made
the following use of Twitter
since taking office in January 2017

in praise of himself in 2,026 tweets
in attacks on 630 people in 5,889 tweets
in support of conspiracy theories in 1,710 tweets
in slander of minority groups in 851 tweets
in calling media the "enemy of the people" in 36 tweets
and referring to himself as everyone's "favorite" president in 16 tweets.

Google says they have reached
"quantum supremacy"

but Trump has reached
peak white supremacy.

We call him

the Un-PC.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, October 29, 2019

To the Ball Game

Dear Trump

if you won't let Obama
take credit for killing bin Laden
then you certainly shouldn't take credit

for killing Baghdadi

nor should you plug an old book
you probably didn't even write

which merely addresses bin Laden
as a "shadowy figure with no fixed address"

and use it
to credit yourself

with predicting the 9/11 attacks
and giving advice on how to stop it

as you have trouble predicting events
after the fact.

But this poet has no real piece of advice
since you don't listen

except perhaps
to go to more baseball games.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, October 22, 2019

Bar None

Dear Trump

when it comes to a horrible thing
like lynching

that has happened to people
who are not you

it would do you well 
to first consult a dictionary

before you compare it
to your own experience

of justified inquisition

but wait
you can't read.

Barring that

you should first use common sense

to see whether that makes an iota
of a millionth of a degree of sense

but wait
you don't have any.

Barring that

you should

unwisely make the comparison

then sincerely apologize
for the very real damage
your rhetoric

has caused to human lives

but wait
you have no humiliation.

Barring that

you should
as usual
let the justified anger of others

roll off of you

until everyone forgets about
this particular horrible thing
and the other horrible things
and the horrible-thing-that-led-to-an-inquiry-of-you-and-yours thing

unless this time

they don't.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, October 15, 2019

Prime Time Priorities

In the past several days

Trump has abandoned Kurds

acquiesced to enemies

been the client
of a lawyer
who defied subpoena orders

and been the subject
of an admirer's video
showing him shooting journalists
and political opponents.

So naturally it only makes sense

that at about 8:30
on a Monday morning

Trump would make a sincere and impassioned plea
to the American public

to vote for Sean Spicer

on Dancing with the Stars.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, October 8, 2019

An Impeachment Lament

Dear President Trump

The one thing
this poet will rue

about you being impeached

is the fact
that she'll need to find

another topic to write about

after you have given her
so much material.

Well perhaps
our new President Pence

but after your all-destructive presidency

satirizing a mere right-wing
homophobic anti-feminist
so-called Christian jerkhole

who probably lacks
your freewheeling Twitter ways

is going to be tough
for her.

(She'll try though.)

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, October 1, 2019

Moscow Mitch Capitulates

(or rather
Senate Majority Leader
and the self-styled "Grim Reaper"
openly proud of his past present
and likely future record
of impeding progress
on guns
climate change
and anything else important
Mitch McConnell yesterday

"The Senate impeachment rules
are very clear.

The Senate
would have to take up an impeachment resolution
if it came over from the House"

adding "I would have no choice but to take it up.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, September 24, 2019

A Color Inquiry

After being made aware
of conversations between the President
and Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky

today House Speaker Pelosi
decided that that fakey orange spray-tan color
was just no good on Trump

and mused aloud
on the possibility of him looking better
in peach.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, September 17, 2019

Founding Mothers

Goodbye Cokie Roberts
and thank you
for your trailblazing service

in broadcast journalism.

Even Trump

albeit mixing in
some traditional I-can't-take-criticism rhetoric

likely aimed at Roberts' urging of "rational" Republicans
to reject the then-candidate
back in early 2016

and her later confrontation with Trump
on live TV
about the effect of his racist rhetoric
on children's behavior with their classmates


She never treated me nicely.
But I would like to wish her family well.

She was a professional
and I respect professionals.

I respect you guys a lot
you people a lot.

She was a real professional.
Never treated me well

but I certainly respect her as a professional.”

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, September 10, 2019

The Don

Said the man with Mafia connections
and a record of hush-money payments
contradicting the rules of Customs and Border Protection

of the people trying to flee the Dorian-ravaged islands
with the clothes on their backs
and probably no papers

showcasing not only his lack of compassion
but limited vocabulary as well

“I don’t want to allow people
that weren’t supposed to be in the Bahamas

to come into the United States
including some very bad people
and some very bad gang members

and some very, very bad drug dealers."

Said Bahamas resident Vida Hepburn

perhaps too charitably

"He's an idiot."

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, September 3, 2019

He Who Does Not See

On Sunday
after canceling a trip to Poland
to monitor Hurricane Dorian

President Trump was asked if he had a message
for the Central European country
commemorating the eightieth anniversary
of the start of World War II

(which in starker terms
that the interviewer perhaps unwisely omitted

was two days after
being invaded by Nazi Germany)

and gave an unusual response

(even more so considering
Vice President Pence

there in his stead

said something appropriate)

that can be summed up
in one word


It all goes to show
that Trump really ought
to watch what he says

or people might start thinking

that he's either ignorant
or has no problem with Nazis

or perhaps
just perhaps mind you


This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, August 27, 2019

Haiku on Hate

Hate's only as big
as the space we allow it
by keeping silent.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, August 13, 2019

Relay Racist

President Trump saying

"The retweet ...
was from somebody
that is a very respected conservative pundit.
So I think it was fine"

in defense of his Twitter-based amplification
of a conspiracy theory
tying the Clintons
to Jeffrey Epstein's death

is parallel to a person

acting like it's fine
to smile and say "Only in the Panhandle"

in response to a rallygoer who says
"Shoot them"
meaning Mexican migrants

because the rallygoer
said it first.

Oh wait.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, August 6, 2019


Goodbye Toni Morrison.

Even as he mimics a person
calling out bigotry and hate
(until he speaks or tweets again)

Trump will never be wise enough
to heed your words

but thank you for saying

“Definitions belong to the definers
not the defined.”

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.