Monday, September 28, 2015

Love Wounds and Mars

NASA scientists have "unearthed"

definitive signs
of liquid water on Mars

noting dark streaks
called "recurrent slope linae"
or RSLs

in photographs.

Though researchers have long known
that Mars has dry ice

in its polar ice caps

this find should fuel

(well at least
more-educated speculation

than even Futurama
could provide)

as to whether

we've got Martians
in our relative midst.

Since Jeb Bush

seems to think
that the Republican Party's message

to people of color
unlike the Democrats' 

"isn't one of division
and 'Get in line

and we'll take care of you
with free stuff'"

(meaning "Give you some assistance

in acquiring food
and health care

to keep you from being hungry
and/or dying
from something

all but eradicated
in the rest
of the First World")

if NASA in ten years

holds a lottery
for laypeople

to spread Americanism
to the discovered lands

it would be unseemly
for the 2024 Republican candidate

to promote this heavily
to the base

by now hopelessly fractured
and consisting of everyone

who wasn't "priced out"

of the Grand Old Party

(so roughly 100 people
give or take)

as this would be
an undeserved handout.

(And what is love

but requiring them

to design and lift themselves
by their own space bootstraps

if they want so badly
to breathe
that space air?)

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

Friday, September 25, 2015

Speaking Out

For John Boehner
it's a sad

but remarkably lucid day.

Some say it was the DNC's
years of pithy and punny
email subject lines

that finally did him in

including "Devastating Blow to Boehner"
"Boehner Panic"

and "Big Raging Boehner
Screwing Us All"

(well okay
not that one yet).

Others say
he articulates

what reasonable people
on both sides of the aisle

have been thinking
for some time

namely that

“It’s become clear to me 
that this prolonged leadership turmoil

would do irreparable damage
to the institution.

This isn’t about me.

It’s about the people

it’s about the institution."

Now how long before
Donald Trump tweets

that he could've done
a better job?

(Meaning replacing crying

with unprovoked insults.)

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Legitimate Bodies

To hearken back
to a 2012 quote

from Todd Akin

apparently the body

does have "ways to try to shut
that whole thing down"
only in this case

that body
look a lot like

mostly-male House Republicans

and "that whole thing"
is Planned Parenthood

and perhaps the country's
life support system

including to some extent
their own

also known
as "the federal government"

on September 30.

Luckily Senate Democrats

had a way
to shut down

a bill that would have
banned abortion
after 20 weeks.

Pro-choice advocates
are less fearful

now that Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell
has scheduled a vote this Thursday
on a temporary spending measure

that would delay the shutdown
until December 11.

The measure is not expected
to have a rider
to defund Planned Parenthood

as the organization
has already received

all its allotted funding
until next April

and most Republicans
are trying a novel tack

and embracing logic.

Just like two years ago though

Ted Cruz
still seems a little "unchill"

so just in case
when the Pope visits Congress

His Holiness could dig in
to his latest store of contriteness
he has saved up

from those who terminated
their pregnancies
with such services

and get everybody
to shut up

(and perhaps even
consider caring about the lives
and resources

of people
older than a zygote).

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

Sunday, September 20, 2015

Stumbling Towards Facts-asy

Was President Obama

born in the US?

More than three-fourths
of the way

into his presidency

and Donald Trump
still boldly refuses to affirm

what some sources
would call
"a statement of fact."

Not too long ago
Trump gave "birth"

to his own facts
about the president's heritage

and his present cageyness
suggests he is still

leveraging those facts
by omission.

Some left-wing types might call
these types of statements

a "specious platform
on which to base
a potential presidential career"

or Marco Rubio

might tell questioners
that making those inquiries

is a "waste of time"

but that sounds suspiciously

like an opinion.

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

Thursday, September 17, 2015

Bad Apples

It's important

that anyone involved
directly or peripherally

in the education system

that nurtures our children
on their journeys to adulthood

be they teachers

guidance counselors
gym coaches

or maintenance people

be on the lookout

for any students
of Middle Eastern descent

bringing in
a so-called "clock"
or other electronic device

that obviously took hours
of diligent and careful labor.

They're clearly trying

to imitate that degenerate offspring
of Syrian descent

Steve Jobs

(and maybe even
have a job after college).

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

Monday, September 14, 2015

The Art of the Deal

In an event
which is newsworthy

for being far less a failure

than some
(well perhaps everyone)

would wish or expect

Bernie Sanders
took his populist message

to the evangelical Christian college
in Lynchburg Virginia

Liberty University.

Referring to "massive injustice
in terms of wealth
and income inequality"

he said

"Maybe just maybe

we can try to work together
to resolve that."

Though his statements
supporting abortion and gay marriage

got only scattered applause and cheers
from a small section
of the crowd

evidence of his wizardry

was apparent in the words
of Nathan White
a pro-life and "capitalist" junior from Houston

who said "I'm glad they invited him
but I wouldn't vote for him."

No word yet

on whether Donald Trump is jealous

but maybe Sanders
should be jealous

as you can create your own masterpieces
using his head as a paintbrush


while no such website
has yet been made

for the Jewish socialist
from Vermont.

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

Friday, September 11, 2015

Sign of the Covenant

Does it matter

that some would perceive

a rainbow appearing
over the One World Trade Center

on the eve
of the anniversary
of the attacks

as something more divine
and Biblical

than the sun
meeting the rain?

It's better than making a war

out of fear.

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

And So Can He

Stephen "Col-bear"
of Report fame
has died

but Stephen "Col-bert"
of Late Show fame
is born.

His first musical guest

is New Late Show
bandleader Jon Batiste.

And just like that

everyone will forget
how to correctly pronounce

every other fake French
stage name

(but hopefully not "Jon").

Not to mention Col-bear's show
was broadcast to Real Americans
who believe in Truthiness

while Col-bert
now also has to appeal
to Fake Americans

as his real self.

That would make anybody feel vulnerable
and it's our Fake American duty

to Bert the burden
along with him.

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

Saturday, September 5, 2015

Boo Hoo of Kentucky

If Kim Davis
goes to jail

and doesn't realize

that when Jesus wept
He wept for people like her

because the hill
on which she is willing
to give up the clerkship

is so pathetic
and so hypocritical

in light of her own
three divorces

does that make
her bigotry sound?

Her lawyer
would seem to think so. 

But oddly enough
those who support
the law of the land

are aligned with

the Westboro Baptist Church

who believe
that she had a hand

in breaking God's law
and enabling "fag marriage"

and should be in jail for that.

Morality is confusing.

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Cataclysmic Catechism

The Pope is putting
the 'mobile in gear

in preparation
for the United States leg
of his world tour.

He will arrive
in Washington, D.C.

on September 23.

A school in a poor East Harlem neighborhood
is planting chrysanthemums

to liven up
barren flowerbeds

and show they're taking care
of their community.

Gift shops

are stocking up
on equal parts

sincere and heretical
Pope plushie dolls.

And Republican members of Congress
running for president in 2016

are agonizing over
which level of forgiveness

will keep them from
alienating their base

(and he's now
more pro-choice

or at least

more pro-forgiving of the
"sin of abortion"

than they are).

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.