Tuesday, December 17, 2019

Just Peachy

Quite ironically

in a letter
to Nancy Pelosi
Trump calls the impeachment inquiry
an "open war on American democracy"

and declares that Pelosi views
"democracy as the enemy."

What's it like to be impeached?

In all seriousness

given his toddler-esque defensiveness

we can only assume

it is
(or soon will be)
the pits.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, December 10, 2019

Fitting Articles

To those who can
recognize the obvious

the man-who-thinks-he's-emperor
wears no articles of clothing
(only figuratively
thank God)

but he may soon wear
the articles of impeachment

Abuse of Power
and Obstruction of Congress

which are the only brands
that really suit him.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, November 26, 2019

His Bread and Butter

Dear President Trump

This poet is wondering
if you made a mistake
when you pardoned turkeys Bread and Butter

as they are good and decent animals

and unlike Eddie Gallagher
did not commit
any war crimes.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, November 19, 2019

Blowing His Own Whistle

Complained Republican Representative Jim Jordan of Ohio
last Wednesday

“There is one witness
one witness

that they won’t bring in front of us
they won’t bring in front
of the American people

and that’s the guy
who started it all

the whistleblower,”

going on to claim that
House Intelligence Chair Adam Schiff
knew the whistleblower's identity

and that the whistleblower
was "biased" against Trump.

Replied Democratic Representative Peter Welch of Vermont

“I say to my colleague
I’d be glad to have the person
who started it all
come in and testify.

President Trump is welcome
to take a seat right there.”

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, November 12, 2019

Hindsight 2020

A series of ads released by the left-leaning super PAC
American Bridge

will feature rural Trump 2016 supporters

explaining why they voted for him before

and why that decision
was a mistake.

"This will be unlike
any paid media campaign before,"

says Shripal Shah
the group's vice president.

"It will be hyperlocal
authentic storytelling

that highlights local voices
to create a permission structure

for Trump 2016 voters
to flip back to our side in 2020.”

So dear former Trump voters
with a conscience

please please please

take it with you
when you go to the polls

for if you do

you will be correcting your mistake
and thereby doing so much better
than the person you once supported
has ever done.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, November 5, 2019

Super Tweet-Spewing

Google has created a quantum processor
that can supposedly perform
in two minutes and twenty seconds

calculations that would take the fastest supercomputer
10,000 years to complete.

But that's nothing
if you read
The New York Times' various studies
revealing that Trump has made
the following use of Twitter
since taking office in January 2017

in praise of himself in 2,026 tweets
in attacks on 630 people in 5,889 tweets
in support of conspiracy theories in 1,710 tweets
in slander of minority groups in 851 tweets
in calling media the "enemy of the people" in 36 tweets
and referring to himself as everyone's "favorite" president in 16 tweets.

Google says they have reached
"quantum supremacy"

but Trump has reached
peak white supremacy.

We call him

the Un-PC.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, October 29, 2019

To the Ball Game

Dear Trump

if you won't let Obama
take credit for killing bin Laden
then you certainly shouldn't take credit

for killing Baghdadi

nor should you plug an old book
you probably didn't even write

which merely addresses bin Laden
as a "shadowy figure with no fixed address"

and use it
to credit yourself

with predicting the 9/11 attacks
and giving advice on how to stop it

as you have trouble predicting events
after the fact.

But this poet has no real piece of advice
since you don't listen

except perhaps
to go to more baseball games.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, October 22, 2019

Bar None

Dear Trump

when it comes to a horrible thing
like lynching

that has happened to people
who are not you

it would do you well 
to first consult a dictionary

before you compare it
to your own experience

of justified inquisition

but wait
you can't read.

Barring that

you should first use common sense

to see whether that makes an iota
of a millionth of a degree of sense

but wait
you don't have any.

Barring that

you should

unwisely make the comparison

then sincerely apologize
for the very real damage
your rhetoric

has caused to human lives

but wait
you have no humiliation.

Barring that

you should
as usual
let the justified anger of others

roll off of you

until everyone forgets about
this particular horrible thing
and the other horrible things
and the horrible-thing-that-led-to-an-inquiry-of-you-and-yours thing

unless this time

they don't.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, October 15, 2019

Prime Time Priorities

In the past several days

Trump has abandoned Kurds

acquiesced to enemies

been the client
of a lawyer
who defied subpoena orders

and been the subject
of an admirer's video
showing him shooting journalists
and political opponents.

So naturally it only makes sense

that at about 8:30
on a Monday morning

Trump would make a sincere and impassioned plea
to the American public

to vote for Sean Spicer

on Dancing with the Stars.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, October 8, 2019

An Impeachment Lament

Dear President Trump

The one thing
this poet will rue

about you being impeached

is the fact
that she'll need to find

another topic to write about

after you have given her
so much material.

Well perhaps
our new President Pence

but after your all-destructive presidency

satirizing a mere right-wing
homophobic anti-feminist
so-called Christian jerkhole

who probably lacks
your freewheeling Twitter ways

is going to be tough
for her.

(She'll try though.)

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, October 1, 2019

Moscow Mitch Capitulates

(or rather
Senate Majority Leader
and the self-styled "Grim Reaper"
openly proud of his past present
and likely future record
of impeding progress
on guns
climate change
and anything else important
Mitch McConnell yesterday

"The Senate impeachment rules
are very clear.

The Senate
would have to take up an impeachment resolution
if it came over from the House"

adding "I would have no choice but to take it up.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, September 24, 2019

A Color Inquiry

After being made aware
of conversations between the President
and Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky

today House Speaker Pelosi
decided that that fakey orange spray-tan color
was just no good on Trump

and mused aloud
on the possibility of him looking better
in peach.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, September 17, 2019

Founding Mothers

Goodbye Cokie Roberts
and thank you
for your trailblazing service

in broadcast journalism.

Even Trump

albeit mixing in
some traditional I-can't-take-criticism rhetoric

likely aimed at Roberts' urging of "rational" Republicans
to reject the then-candidate
back in early 2016

and her later confrontation with Trump
on live TV
about the effect of his racist rhetoric
on children's behavior with their classmates


She never treated me nicely.
But I would like to wish her family well.

She was a professional
and I respect professionals.

I respect you guys a lot
you people a lot.

She was a real professional.
Never treated me well

but I certainly respect her as a professional.”

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, September 10, 2019

The Don

Said the man with Mafia connections
and a record of hush-money payments
contradicting the rules of Customs and Border Protection

of the people trying to flee the Dorian-ravaged islands
with the clothes on their backs
and probably no papers

showcasing not only his lack of compassion
but limited vocabulary as well

“I don’t want to allow people
that weren’t supposed to be in the Bahamas

to come into the United States
including some very bad people
and some very bad gang members

and some very, very bad drug dealers."

Said Bahamas resident Vida Hepburn

perhaps too charitably

"He's an idiot."

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, September 3, 2019

He Who Does Not See

On Sunday
after canceling a trip to Poland
to monitor Hurricane Dorian

President Trump was asked if he had a message
for the Central European country
commemorating the eightieth anniversary
of the start of World War II

(which in starker terms
that the interviewer perhaps unwisely omitted

was two days after
being invaded by Nazi Germany)

and gave an unusual response

(even more so considering
Vice President Pence

there in his stead

said something appropriate)

that can be summed up
in one word


It all goes to show
that Trump really ought
to watch what he says

or people might start thinking

that he's either ignorant
or has no problem with Nazis

or perhaps
just perhaps mind you


This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, August 27, 2019

Haiku on Hate

Hate's only as big
as the space we allow it
by keeping silent.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, August 13, 2019

Relay Racist

President Trump saying

"The retweet ...
was from somebody
that is a very respected conservative pundit.
So I think it was fine"

in defense of his Twitter-based amplification
of a conspiracy theory
tying the Clintons
to Jeffrey Epstein's death

is parallel to a person

acting like it's fine
to smile and say "Only in the Panhandle"

in response to a rallygoer who says
"Shoot them"
meaning Mexican migrants

because the rallygoer
said it first.

Oh wait.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, August 6, 2019


Goodbye Toni Morrison.

Even as he mimics a person
calling out bigotry and hate
(until he speaks or tweets again)

Trump will never be wise enough
to heed your words

but thank you for saying

“Definitions belong to the definers
not the defined.”

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, July 30, 2019


On this day in 1619
the House of Burgesses

that is
the lower house of the colonial Virginia legislature

convened for the first time.

The state Democratic legislative caucus
and the Black Legislative Caucus

have both said they would boycott
the 400th anniversary ceremony

after it was confirmed
that President Trump
would be delivering remarks.

Virginia State Democrats
Eileen Filler-Corn
Charniele Herring
Dick Saslaw

and Mamie Locke

summed up the collective sentiment
to the Jamestown-Yorktown Foundation
the organization responsible
for the ongoing commemoration events

"Send him back."

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, July 23, 2019

Don't Read the Articles

Today at the conservative
Turning Point USA Teen Student Action Summit

Trump did that thing
where he says he did nothing wrong

while implying that he could've done something wrong
if he'd wanted to

(but rest assured
he didn't)

assuring the audience that Mueller's report
found "no collusion"

then adding
“I have an Article II,
where I have the right to do
whatever I want as President."

Funnily enough
Article II says nothing like that

but does say
in the last section

"The President,
Vice President
and all civil Officers of the United States,

shall be removed from Office on Impeachment for,
and Conviction of, Treason, Bribery,
or other high Crimes and Misdemeanors."

This is further proof
that the President is illiterate

and specifically requests
the "executive dictator version"
of all documents

including the founding ones.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, July 16, 2019

The Squad

Two days ago
the President of the United States
tweeted racist attacks

against new Representatives Ilhan Omar
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
Rashida Tlaib
and Ayanna Pressley

"So interesting to see 'Progressive' Democrat Congresswomen,
who originally came from countries
whose governments are a complete and total catastrophe,

the worst, most corrupt and inept anywhere in the world
(if they even have a functioning government at all),
now loudly and viciously telling the people of the United States,
the greatest and most powerful Nation on earth, how our government is to be run.

Why don’t they go back and help fix the totally broken
and crime infested places
from which they came."

Three of the four Congresswomen
were born in the United States

leaving this poet to conclude
that Trump is unwittingly acknowledging
the "complete and total catastrophe"
of his own country's government.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, July 9, 2019

Plain Texas Talk

Goodbye Ross Perot

whose death reminds level-headed folks of the days
when a billionaire tycoon running for office

felt like a refreshing political alternative
rather than an apocalyptic nightmare.

And you articulated a concept
Spike Lee championed

and which Trump
will never say

which is
"Do the right thing."

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, July 2, 2019

Ways and Means

In between trying to conjure up
more outrage
from our regularly depleted wells

we can be grateful
that the House Ways and Means Committee

has sued the Treasury and IRS
for Trump's tax returns

with Representative Lloyd Doggett
"This long-overdue legal action is needed
to keep this bad president
from setting a bad precedent."

Not only that

but Trump's returns
featured in a parade float

would be far more fun to see
this 4th of July

(hint hint)

than military tanks
making giant potholes in the road.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, June 25, 2019

Bourdain Day

In honor of the late Anthony Bourdain
chefs have dubbed what would have been his 63rd birthday
"Bourdain Day"

to celebrate his deep passion for life
and mindful appreciation of the world's cultures.

And less than two weeks ago
on June 14th

President Trump
spent almost a million dollars on Facebook ads
encouraging people to sign his birthday card

because certainly otherwise

people would forget
that such a man is aging.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, June 18, 2019

Rainbow Hell

musician and Detroit native Elijah Daniel
purchased the unincorporated community
of Hell, Michigan

and tweeted
"ahead of pride month
Trump’s administration
put a ban on embassy’s [sic] flying pride flags.

so as of today,
I am now the owner of Hell, Michigan.

I bought the whole town.

And my first act as owner, I have renamed my town to Gay Hell, MI.
The only flags allowed to fly are pride."

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, June 11, 2019

Amash of Issues

Republican Rep. Justin Amash

who has written increasingly contemptuous critiques
of Trump's behavior
as outlined in the Mueller report

and has even discussed
the possibility of impeachment

has now resigned
from the House Freedom Caucus
that he himself helped found

and which was inspired
by the Tea Party Movement.

Now Amash is reportedly mulling over
a third-party presidential bid
as a libertarian.

To which this poet says

if you do run
please run as a Republican

because what this country needs

in a candidate who knows
that party division is a good thing

if party unity
means supporting the unconscionable.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday, May 28, 2019

Aid Disaster

In this divided era
surely one thing
Republicans and Democrats in Congress
can agree on

is a $19 billion natural disaster aid package
benefiting several states
and Puerto Rico


Well House Republicans Thomas Massie from Kentucky
and Chip Roy from Texas

apparently don't like it
because it increases the national debt
and lacks the border operations funding
that Trump requested

despite approval
from the Senate
and Trump's own voice of support
and agreement to sign the bill.

When Trump

(after a fashion)

is in this particular case
behaving more morally
than you are

it's time to reconsider
what you're willing
to go into debt for

even if it's a silly thing
like helping people.

This poem © 2019 Emily Cooper.