When Pontiff Francis Come For You

Your blood-stained money
can't take

Your blood-stained power
can't take (with you)

No joy you'll find
from these lives you take

End up in Hell
if stay on path you take

Bad mobs
bad mobs
whatcha gonna do

whatcha gonna do
when the Pope 'demns you?

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Lorde Lordy

Westboro Baptist Church
who recently excommunicated

their ailing founder
Fred Phelps the Senior

(who ironically
in the 1960s founded
the Phelps Chartered law firm

and represented
African-American clients
in civil rights cases)

for allegedly
making a plea
for "kinder treatment
of fellow church members"

has released a cover
of Lorde's catchy tune "Royals"
which goes

"Every song you sing's
bare-teeth ragin'

sinnin' in the bedroom 
bloodlust coffin 
trashin' your Creator."

It's not really
Westboro's fault
that most of the world

(when given the choice)
has chosen sinnin'
in the bedroom now

rather than sittin'
on a cloud for eternity

upon conclusion
of their finite human lifespans.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Pride (In The Name of U 2)

New York City's new mayor
Bill de Blasio
today chose to boycott

the annual St. Patrick’s Day Parade
on Fifth Avenue

because of its policy
that prohibits all displays
of gay identification.

Ann Northrop
a member of advocacy group
Queer Nation New York said

"To say that gay people
should not march
as who they are
as out Irish gay people

when the police
and fire departments
march as who they are

is just hypocritical
and nonsensical."

Lucky the Leprechaun
spokesperson for Lucky Charms

a pastel-colored
marshmallow cereal

which has long been sold
in a bright red
and rainbow-adorned box

could unfortunately
not be reached for comment.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Under the Radar

More than 40 ships
and 39 planes
from 12 different countries

are combing the oceans
in search of Malaysian Airlines'
Flight 370

which disappeared
a week ago.

Today it seems
that the word "ephemeral"
has become just that.

Humans can collect
the minutiae of our species
and sift through it forever

collecting a jumbled array
bits and pieces

the most trivial
context-free news mixed
with the vital looming
and consequential.

We accept
the bad effects
that come from this power

because we know
to be continuously
surrounded by information

means no one
can stay lost.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

A Pope Invited

John Boehner
the Republican Speaker of the
American House

has invited Pope Francis
the Liberal Speaker

for God's Dictatorship
of Newfound Gay
and Marxist Tolerance

to address a joint meeting
of Congress.

Boehner says the Pope
has inspired our nation
to reflect on the principles

of "human dignity
freedom
and social justice."

Nancy Pelosi
House Minority Leader
and known Democrat
also expressed

her support
for inviting him.

Now in fact
both members
are Catholic

but still
Pope Benedict's mere existence
didn't inspire
that same bright spot

of rare bipartisan agreement
(or even lip service)

to that strange
uncomfortable concept
called "the common good".

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Not-So Best Life Now

Police say that $600,000
in checks and cash
has been stolen

from Joel Osteen's
Lakewood "mega"
(as in really really
big and holy)
Church.

If he's not careful
the press may end up
capturing a photo

in which he's seen
smiling a bit less broadly
than usual.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Ship of the Imagination

Tonight's premiere
of the late
(but not gone to the universe)
Carl Sagan's "Cosmos"

is being billed
as the largest launch
of any TV series ever.

One notable aspect
of the premiere is when
the rock star astrophysicist

host Neil deGrasse Tyson
compresses all our
recorded history

to 14 seconds
of a year superimposed
on a 6.8-billion-year timeline.

Executive producer
and widow to Sagan
Ann Druyan
remarks

"It’s the courage of questions
of grasping
our true circumstances

and not pretending
we are at the center
of it all
that is adulthood."

"This show
is a celebration of life."

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Don't Put The Blame On You

Tonight the household
of this poet
is without the power provided
by Duke Energy

a former employer of
and current donor to
North Carolina Republican governor
Pat McCrory.

This poet knows better
than to Blame Him For The Rain
(however icy)

that was fallin' fallin'
and the resulting inconvenience

but perhaps that corrupt
Milli Vanilli
should reconvene for

Blamin' Him
For The Eighty Thousand Tons
of Coal Ash in The River?

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Putin On Airs (Hillary's Rebuttal)

Putin ain't Hitler.
He just says Hitler-like things
for Hitler-like aims.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Morally Straight

Listen up Boy Scouts
from plucky young Tenderfoot
to noble collegiate
Eagle Scout

Be Prepared
for the cessation
of all hugs
from Mickey Mouse.

Disney is "proud"
to cut off your funding
which is too bad

because that
old campfire song

"Don't let
your gay babies
grow up to be leaders"

is such a catchy little tune.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Popular Vote

Donald A. Redelmeier
an epidemiologist
from the University of Toronto

in 2001
compared the lifespans
of Oscar winners
to those of mere nominees

and found
that the winners
lived about 4 years longer
(to age 80
instead of 76).

So putting aside
the nitpicky observation

that correlation does not
imply causation

perhaps we could
start to solve
social and economic inequalities

by voting
for this country's

least fortunate
(and most burdened)
as "Most Likely to Succeed".

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

People of Good Faith

Today President Obama
announced an initiative
called My Brother's Keeper

to bring attention
to the deeply-rooted plights
facing America's young black men.

He deplored
the country's "numbness".

"It doesn't take much"
he said

"but it takes more
than we are doing now."

Among the attendees
was Bill O'Reilly

who will probably
dig up from his words

an intention
Obama never even
realized he had

but for now
for the sake of sanity

this poet will grant him
a shred of decency.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Arizona is A.Z.

(Sung by the Arizona Republicans for SB 1062)

Arizona
where your business
is free to shun
the gays

Yes queers wavin' green
it sure smells keen

but trust us
they'll pay more
in Hell someday

Arizona
this may not
be our song
but that's okay

Arizona
Arizona
A.Z.?

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Peer Review

Goodbye
Piers Morgan.

Honestly this poet
did not watch
your eponymous show

but has the feeling
that meeting you
would be like meeting
a special friend

one with admirable energy
and similar views
on many hot-button issues

but yet is often
(and tragically so)

insufferable to be around.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Brownies

The 13-year-old Girl Scout
Danielle Lei
and her mama

sold 117 boxes
of their signature cookies

outside the Green Cross
medical marijuana clinic
in San Francisco
on Monday.

The Girl Scout Association
of America
is great and all

but do they realize

just how cool
that leaf would look
on a round merit badge?

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

When Problems Come Along

Guitarist Bob Casale
member of
the original Devo

has died.

The name Devo
was derived
from the word "devolution".

In 2010 he said
(of the year 1980)

"De-evolution happened
and now everybody agrees.

They don't think
we're crazy.

They know that it was true."

Yet this poet keeps hope
that one day
we as a people

will successfully whip "it"
into shape.

It's not too late?

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Sochi

With only
six days remaining
in the Sochi 2014
Winter Olympics

Putin has so far
done an impeccable job
in keeping things
completely heterosexual.

From girl duo t.A.T.u.
who in 2002
released a video

of themselves
ceremonially lip-locking
for the Fatherland

to the dozens of men
who spent years of their lives
devoting themselves

to the patriotic arts
of twirling ribbons

and painstakingly practicing
coordinated dance moves
all for the privilege
of someday

levitating a 3D hybrid
Teletubby-
Alice in Wonderland-rabbit-hole-
and Santa's workshop-
stylized version
of their beloved Mother.

And what of the male
figure skaters
who cut patterns into ice
(with real sharp blades
this poet might add).

Putin
you're doing
a heck of a job.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Juno

Hey all
"Juno"
that Ellen Page is gay?
It's true.

In the movie
that quip-for-every-situation
premature preggo said

"I never realized how much
I loved being home

unless I'd been
somewhere really different
for a while."

Paulie Bleeker says
"I always think
you're cute.
I think
you're beautiful."

"Does this change
the movie at all?"

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

This Is Just To Say

(A poem by Chris James Christie)

I have fired
the top aides
that caused traffic problems in
Fort Lee

and which
you probably realized I was
tolerating
for years

Forgive me
they were amenable
so calculating
and so connected

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Trekking Halls

America's favorite
human rights activist

and culturally-sensitive
ambassador to Ghana

Shirley Temple Black
has died.

In 1975
she said she felt political dialogue
was dominated
by the world's superpowers

that "there weren't
enough countries
talking to the developing countries."

And so
nearly 40 years later
with this still

all-too-true
fact of foreign policy

this poet
nominates Miley Cyrus
for the post
(any country really)

in a symbolic gesture
showing our country
can in fact

let go of the troublesome past
by turning in
one of our own

to the annals of
"Didn't that girl
used to do
something else?"

"How should I know?

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.