The Place to Go

It doesn't matter what

the Weather Girls said.

One can not simply

invite all the world's women

to a centralized location

in "the street"

and have them wait for that

downpour of men

that they claim is imminent.

First of all

they wouldn't fit

(well they technically would

but there would be minimal

elbow or purse room)

second of all

some of them would be hoping

for it to "rain women"

and third of all

even with such variety

they might nonetheless agree

on some common cause

for which they feel

a wee bit (or a lot)

held back or treated unfairly

and start marching in protest.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

The Void of Floyd

Miley Cyrus

has been hospitalized

since Tuesday night

(no not from OD'ing

on twerking while

sticking her tongue out

though it's forgivable

to think that)

due to a severe reaction

to antibiotics.

She tweeted her St. Louis

fans Wednesday morning

since she wouldn't

get to play for them

that night.

But rumor also has it

that she is still in mourning

of the recent death

of her dog Floyd

(reportedly killed

by a coyote).

Her mom Tish Cyrus

bought her a new puppy

named Moonie

but Miley gave it back

because new puppies

can never fully

replace old ones

even after we humans

have done our best to move on

and not all celebrities

regardless of how malleable

they themselves are

think of their pooches

as toys.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

X-Why Axis

Researchers have discovered

an "interacting protein"

on the surfaces

of both sperm and egg

that helps the two

recognize each other

and join.

This protein has

been nicknamed "Izumo"

after a Japanese marriage shrine.

Izumo pairs with "Juno"

named after the Roman

goddess of fertility

(and who later

reincarnated herself

inside of Ellen Page's character's uterus

when she hooked up

with lovable athletic

nerd Paulie Bleeker).

Since the first meeting

of sperm and egg

is the progenitor of

our beloved homo sapiens

(well at least after

the original Big Bang)

and therefore

that of our beauty and cruelty

and mundanity and weirdness

should we also mourn those

who never got to live

in the first place

never even long enough

to be miscarried

or stillborn

whose particular

combination of cells

never formed

for those reasons

which are split into dozens

of college sociology

and history classes?

It sometimes seems easier

than working with

the people we've got

including ourselves.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Un-Founded

Ted Yoho

the Tea Party

(yes they somehow

still exist)

congressman of Florida

when asked

by a black constituent

if he considered

the Civil Rights Act of 1964

to be Constitutional

he said

"I wish I could answer

that 100 percent."

(If only he had then

taken the chance

to declare 

his solemn duty

of defending the Act

from people he may know

who actually would

want it stricken

from our record.)

In his defense

many Founding Fathers

owned slaves

and other Fathers

didn't protest enough

for the document

to be changed

in the 18th century

and yes "Constitutional"

is sometimes used casually

to mean "American-ly

moral and correct".

One could almost

feel sorry for congressmen

and women like him

people with ideas

who aren't smart enough

to learn a fact or two 

or wise enough

to pretend to care

about them.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

If "I" Were Divided

so meaning if

the subject pronoun

that we use to refer

to ourselves were split

into "body

mind and spirit"

or "left

right and other"

or "agree

disagree and standing by

to observe things

as objectively

as possible first"

and we could pick

which part was doing

the "I"-ing

would we only create

more news with endless

spiraling speculating

would discourse be enhanced

or would we arrive

at some reality

that is best for all?

Yes and no

and maybe so?

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Holy Animals

(Sung by Pope Francis at St. Peter's Square)

Oh faithful

do you understand me now

I'm smilin'

for this "selfie"

but I'm sad

'cause leaders are lyin'

when they disguise

themselves as angels

for even great people

can do bad.

I'm just a pope

whose intentions are good

oh Lord

please don't let me

be misunderstood.

Somewhere in the City

When this poet was young

and first heard the expression

"Shining city on a hill"

(probably on some

news show that didn't

seem important at the time)

used to describe

the United States

(both as an ideal

and as an already-achieved "state")

her very mature reaction was

"Why are they calling

a country a city?"

This writer then

had a basic grasp

of metaphor and

figures of speech

but the nominal inaccuracy

was grating.

Names of things

places and people are indicative

of changing biases

maybe preference

for scientific classification

or poetic beauty

or because all the others

were taken.

Sometimes the act of naming

helps expand our consciousness.

Sometimes it limits.

Sometimes it matters

what category or subdivision

of Earth you live on.

Sometimes we're all

in this (or on this)

together.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

What the State Meant

Yes all you well-heeled

well-meaning Republicans

paying one's taxes

is the law and laws

can and should

be tested and questioned

and yes most folks like

having more money

rather than less

but laypeeps poorer than you

(the ones you are allegedly

trying to swoon

as we can see

through your kindly-televised

brainstorming sessions)

readily give up a portion

year after year

to pay for the continued

functioning of a modern

civilized society.

The part of taxes

the laypeeps don't like?

Funding government activities

they find morally repugnant

and funding people in power

who take the money

make the laws

and suppress and oppress

all those people

who we all know

don't actually exist.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Just-ice Do It

Today the invisible hand

perpetuating the forward movement

of our shared timeline

sent the trajectory

of a shoe from

a fed-up Iraqi journalist's

hand at Bush Junior's

press conference in 2008

to that of a woman

in Las Vegas in 2014 watching

Hillary Clinton speak

at the meeting of the Institute

of Scrap Recycling Industries.

Like Bush

she dodged the shoe.

Say what one will

about Hillary's presidential campaign

against Obama

or her term as Obama's

Secretary of State

but if your medium

of expression is footwear-flinging

it helps to be

less cryptic

when you bare your sole.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Tuesday's Gone (With the Windows)

Yesterday Microsoft

ended support
for Windows XP

meaning the company
no longer provides security updates
to the popular OS

except in the form
of upgrading your system
to Windows 8.

What if our government
had people
that didn't want

other people
to keep something

that made their lives
more functional

(however slightly
or maybe even
just bearable)

and said they had
to upgrade themselves
in order to receive
those benefits?

(Luckily such an ideology
is purely hypothetical.)

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Peaced Off

(Peace)

When war was "hot"

(Peace)

it left us cold.

(Peace)

We'd learned that lesson

when "mission" started

as "accomplished"

and ended

nine years old.

War's the answer not

but we ought

to be as bold

and make peace

the cause

for which we fought

not just 'cause

we said

"We fold."

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

We Ourselves and I

This poet tries to retreat
to center

a silent desert
of the brain
(or de la Soul)

tumbleweeds of neurons
purely and wholly
formed within

and the external
cannot enter.

An ironic pastime maybe
for a poet of the news

for bias molds
the stories

and the self
is forever
circumstance-imbued.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Lilly Led-Could-Be-Better

Oh yes it's ladies' night
babe dough transparent-like

Oh yes it's ladies' night
Oh what a night
(Oh what a night)

O's gon' grip his pen and write
and mind that gap all right

Oh yes it's ladies' night
Oh what a night.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Here We Are Now

This poet can appreciate
the sentiment behind
"hoping you die before
you get old"

and leaving a world
that feels deaf to your art
before you resign yourself
to them.

Twenty years on
we have new photos
of your death
and the world

the world is wiser
and not.

You did what you thought
was right at the time
and we understand why

while still missing you terribly

and wishing we could
talk with you.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Sheepish Expression

Since the birth
of a rare goat-sheep hybrid
on Irishman Paddy Murphy's farm
two weeks ago

(rare because the two animals
are genetically distant

not because Bono's
livestock serenading fee

for "In The Name of Love"
has gotten so steep lately)

the little "geep" is thriving
and is already running around

unlike those lazy lambs
who lack leverage of their limbs.

He faces no ostracization
from his non-Muggle siblings

and says he may
become a singer
in a glamb rock band.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Message in a Bottle

Today Pope Francis
and Queen Elizabeth II
met in Rome.

This is old hat to her
and we all know
she's got so very many

(and she can wear
any hat any time

anywhere she pleases
thank you very much).

She's visited with
four other popes
over her career

(one such visit
was during her "internship").

The Queen kept things
far more chill
than in years past.

She doesn't know Italian
and he doesn't know
Her Majesty's English

but he gave her
a scroll from 1679
inscribed with the message
"Urbi et Orbi"

meaning "To the City
and the World"

and a little something
for baby George.

She gave him a collection
of "jams and drinks"

including a bottle of whiskey
from Balmoral Castle
in Aberdeenshire Scotland.

Sources cannot confirm
whether or not the Queen

mouthed and made
the sign for "call me"
as the two parted ways.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

YOLO'ing on the River

Duke Energy says to the judge
keep citizen groups away

from our three dozen
coal ash pits strewn
across North Carolina.

The Department of Environment
and Natural Resources says

keep away the pollution
from the drinking water.

Duke's CEO says
to the public
that they won't keep away 
from responsibility.

Federal prosecutors
have said 23 times
the corporation can't keep away
from the law

more specifically
the U.S. Clean Water Act.

Hey Duke honey
sweet darling

dude you're 114 years old
and even your great-grandkids

think this game
of "keep away" is lame

(and the coal ash
says he'd now rather
pal around with the nerds).

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Gutting Our Promise

Obamacare enrollment is over
and sign-ups
are still rolling in

rapidly approaching
the 7 million mark

(which may or may not
be reached exactly).

This poet remembers
those clocks counting down
the days remaining
to the end of the Bush administration.

(Sold as novelties
but didn't really feel
like such at the time.)

Call Democrats
(and Republicans
and Independents
and unaffiliated
and just plain tired people)

smug for then wishing
a swift end to crap

since after all
what effs us up beyond all repair
can only make us stronger.

And yes right-leaning dudes
and ladies in Congress

Obama's record
actually ain't a perfect bastion
of liberal wet dreams
(believe it or not
not that you'd want it to be)

but that's where
the conversation starts
the action starts
the change starts

not in daily closing your eyes
praying for and declaring
the End of Days.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Above the Law

Steven Seagal spoke
to the Russian state-owned
newspaper Rossiyskaya Gazeta

coming out in favor
of Vladimir Putin

calling him "one of the great
living world leaders"

and that he "would like
to consider him
as a brother."

He might even become
a Russian citizen.

In Russia
Seagal's popularity
has never waned

and his movies
still draw millions of rubles
at the box office.

A potentially great
comedic pairing
it could be

with Putin teaching Seagal
the soft side
of posing for photo ops
riding shirtless on a horse

and Seagal showing Putin
the coolest Aikido moves

for single-handedly
promoting "martial" law.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Yeshua Ben Yo'self

(Apologies to original artist Vera Hall and DJ Moby)

O'Reilly
his trouble so hard
O'Reilly
his trouble so hard

He's misunderstood like
the Son of God

He's misunderstood like
the Son of God.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.