A Spider Who Swallowed A Spicer

This poet's home state

of North Carolina

despite costing itself roughly $4 billion and dignity with HB2

is still capable of winning basketball games

and putting out research about spiders

namely that

theoretically of course

these arachnids

who live in 68 percent of bathrooms

(and who shun HB2 altogether

for the record)

and more than three-fourths of bedrooms

given their consumption of 400 to 800 billion tons

of food in a year

would be able to eat every last person on Earth

by March 28th of 2018. 

The two species

currently get along

except for the occasional

biting and smooshing each other

and we should vow

to keep it that way

though it wouldn't hurt to throw 

a few light snacks their way

in the form of government handouts

(so to speak)

just to be nice.

This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper.

Neil Please Don't-Suck

Dear Neil Gorsuch

possible appointee
to the Supreme Court

if you get confirmed
please remember that you said

"No one.
Not even the president
is above the law."

That is all

(for now).


This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper.

For Microwaves of Grain

Setting aside the fact
that Trump starting a rumor
that President Obama "had [his] wires tapped"
during his campaign

is a good distraction from Russia and Azerbaijan and healthcare
and he probably is as tethered to this lie

as he is to real reality
(meaning accidentally if at all)

before Kellyanne Conway
is barred from all networks
for being a liar

with the bigger vocabulary
and the "if I just keep talking you can't interrupt me"-speed of talking
that her boss cannot provide

we citizens should take a moment

to appreciate her skill
for interweaving the wacky idea

with the passive-aggressive
"I'm just throwing it out there
don't shoot the messenger"-style statement
that slowly erodes the country's credibility.

“I’m not Inspector Gadget.
I don’t believe people
are using the microwave

to spy on the Trump campaign” she said.

“However I’m not in the job of having evidence.
That’s what investigations are for.”

But of course
Michelle Obama always knew
how judgmental those seemingly-placid microwaves were

which is why
she planted that organic vegetable garden
in the first place.


This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper.

No Woman No Buy

Wednesday March 8th

is the Day Without A Woman strike
and International Women's Day.

Tomorrow the women who are able
will skip work

(and those who can and can't

will wear red

refrain from shopping

ask the men in their life
for some help for once

and attend rallies)

thus demonstrating even and especially
to those (including some leaders of the free world)
who don't believe so

that in addition to immigrants
the economy depends on women.

And please dear POTUS
of course you won't

but if you learn anything from a crowd more massive
than the one at your inauguration
or the "March 4 Trump"

the lyrics to Bob Marley's
"No Woman, No Cry"

have nothing to do
with how "sad" it is

that angry women exist.


This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper.