Straight Outta Reality

Much to the chagrin
of all those living in Compton

the new musical biopic

(and the most successful
of all time
grossing $60.2 million worldwide
in its opening weekend)

about the censorship-defying N.W.A.

"Straight Outta Compton"

is not actually showing in Compton

due to the city's
lack of movie theaters.

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

Gets You On His Wavelength

President Obama
has shared with all his 3.66 million
Twitter followers

two Spotify playlists
featuring all his favorite summer jams

one for the day
when he's keeping
his temples from bursting

and the other for nighttime
after he's said his piece

because he's almost 7 years in
and he doesn't have
to take this anymore.

Featured artists include Howlin' Wolf
Isley Brothers
Bob Marley
Rolling Stones

all the way to Coldplay
Beyonce
Justin Timberlake

Florence + The Machine
and the Lumineers

but perhaps
the most stand-out inclusion

for humorous and sober
(so to speak)
and all combinations thereof

poets of the world

just five short weeks
short of the artist's 81st birthday

is Leonard Cohen's "Suzanne".

But it raises the question

as to whether he has
a third and secret playlist

featuring just one song
on repeat

a later Cohen tune
called "Democracy"

and whether he sings
ever-so-softly before he turns out the light
the anthemic chorus

"Democracy is comin'
to the USA".

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

Worst Thing Since Obamacare

A researcher working on a book
about Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

has unearthed
a previously-undiscovered first version

of his "I Have A Dream" speech

which he presented
nearly a year

before he famously delivered it
in Washington D.C.
in 1963.

While a fascinating find
there's still the lingering question

of what he would've
said today

which is tragically unanswerable
for certain

that is unless
just maybe

Black Republican
2016 Presidential Candidate
Dr. Ben Carson

and the closest to a scientist
or former scientist
in the field

has the answer

which is that
"We have the purveyors of hatred

who take every single incident
between people of two races

and try to make
a race war out of it."

Well okay then

there you have it.

It's not like anybody's
bringing up issues

in order to help solve them

and interestingly
under this logic

the GOP can claim
the moral high ground
on this issue

when they neglect
to address it at all.

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

Just His Time of the Month

Let it be said

that this poet
is no great fan

(to say the least)

of Fox News pundit
and host of the first Republican debate
in Cleveland Ohio

Megyn Kelly

but she struck a chord

when she told Trump
"You’ve called women
you don’t like

fat pigs
dogs
slobs and disgusting animals"

mentioning his making fun
of women's looks on Twitter

and the time he told
a Celebrity Apprentice contestant

that it would be 
"a pretty picture
to see her on her knees"

and concluded with

"Does that sound to you
like the temperament of a man
we should elect as president?

And how do you answer the charge
from Hillary Clinton

that you are part
of the war on women?"

And Trump

rather than claiming those comments
were made in anger

or as a joke

or by some version of himself
swayed to nastiness
by the left-wing media

instead embraced them

and said
"I think the big problem
this country has
is being politically correct."

In an interview with CNN's
Don Lemon on Friday

he made the perfectly innocuous comment

"You could see

there was blood
coming out of her eyes

blood coming out
of her wherever."

(Of course he meant
her nose.)

It was so innocuous

that Trump was uninvited
by longtime Fox News contributor
Erick Erickson

from the RedState Gathering
in Atlanta

and Kelly was invited
in his stead.

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

Confusing Yourselves With Real Journalists

Goodbye Jon Stewart

and thanks
for teaching this poet

that making it fake

is the first step
to keeping it real.

Even Bill O'Reilly must concede

that you're someone
who "actually thinks about things

from time to time."


This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

H.B. BHO 54

Happy 54th Birthday

to President Obama.

The rest of the country

promises to stay out of trouble

(or at least

keep up appearances)

so you can feel free

to just enjoy the day.

(Congress even recessed

a few days ago

just for you.)

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

Trump's Beef

It's already past time
for Donald Trump

and his Twitter followers

to start using
a new hashtag

of #TrumpIsBipartisan

after he tweeted
(and deleted)
one idle Thursday in April

that he is willing to work with Democrats
for the good of all

and Bill Clinton
had many policies

he had warmed up to
due to the former president's
pragmatic center-left ideology

that embraced
the business community
and allowed his companies to thrive

but that he just couldn't see
the country

being in that same "position"

(the word he afterwards thought
might incite sensationalist commentary

on unrelated events
rather than serious discussion)

with Hillary.

(As with all
embarrassing tweets

some socialist actor
named Lenny Jacobson had already
captured a screenshot

and was quick to take his words
completely out of context.)

Which of course
is what he meant

by "If Hillary Clinton
can't satisfy her husband

what makes her think
she can satisfy America?"

Which is why Viagra
always includes a warning

to "Seek immediate medical help
if you experience
a presidential career

lasting longer than 4 years."

And hey

it might not hurt
Donald Trump

to pop something blue
in his mouth now

just in case
he wants to be ready
when the moment's right.

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

Boehner of Our Existence

North Carolina Representative
Mark Meadows

one of the Republicans'
most conservative voices

has introduced a motion
for Speaker John Boehner
to "vacate the chair."

He said
that "It's really more about
trying to have a conversation

on making this place work
where everybody's voice matters
where there's not a punitive culture." 

Boehner cried

at this symbolic statement
that is unlikely to oust him

but it was out of joy
not sadness

as he thought to himself

"I couldn't sue Obama
but at least one person

remembers I'm still here."

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

Trump Excelsior

Happy 237th birthday
to the state of New York

which joined our union
as the eleventh state
in 1778.

Thank you for providing
the infrastructure and circumstances

for Donald Trump to exist

a quadruple draft-dodger

who can call a tortured prisoner of war
a coward

and can grossly exaggerate
campaign crowds

and claim attendance
of 20,000 supporters

or 10 times bigger

than the legal occupancy
of the building in which
they are held

and turn all negative publicity

into proof that vast swarths
see his true power

and are cowering in fear.

He need not be elected

nor told that he
has not been elected

but rather left to enjoy
his presidential fantasy camp.

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

Signifying Something

This week
our nation's astronomers
have decided to overachieve

by discovering  Kepler-452b

which they believe
is a remarkably Earth-like planet
orbiting a distant Sun-like star

in the constellation Cygnus.

Meanwhile Obama
is planning a trip to Kenya

and Trump visited
the Mexican border

still quite confident
that he'll "win the Hispanic vote"

(which to be fair

Hispanic is a broad demographic category
on the Census

full of folks
that Trump didn't directly insult)

and threatened to start campaigning
on an independent ticket

but saying he hoped to stay
with the Republicans.

Either way

he'll have an unusually
Rachel Maddow-sounding
Rick Perry

to contend with
at least for right now

who says

"He offers a barking carnival act
that can be best described

as Trumpism"

which is "a toxic mix of demagoguery
mean-spiritedness and nonsense

that will lead the Republican Party
to perdition if pursued."

How these events'
players and places

collide and collude

will be a worthy exercise

for both Fox News
and poets alike

to contend with
in the near future.


This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

Magnificent Desolation

Buzz Aldrin has said
"For the future primarily
we must educate people in science
engineering
technology and math."

But he has also said
"We can continue to try
and clean up the gutters
all over the world"

or "we can lift our eyes up
and look into the skies
and move forward in an evolutionary way"

which obviously means
he wants to give a free vacation
to all the world's impoverished

and let them
fend for themselves on Mars

leaving Earth to be inherited
by the people who deserve it.

Which is it

Mr. Second Man

to Set Foot on The Moon
Forty-Six Years Ago
and Whose Name Nobody Remembers?

Are you some believer

in science hokery-pokery

or a True American
running to be our next
Republican leader of the free world

in 2016?

Though frankly
the mention of humanity evolving

is more than a little frightening
to the base.

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

Like the Roof on Fire

(As performed by the Latin-American Rapper Pitbull)

You think you have
some big "cajones"

but I don't care what ya say

'cause as the world turns
Mr. Miss U.S.A. gon' learn

that chico right here don't play.

That when you say they're "rapists"
'bout the guys 
at the bottom of the map

you dis the whole M.I.A.U.S.A

(Movement of Immigrants in America

and yes I did say
an acronym for an immigrant
political activist group

for real

in a rap song
otherwise about "jiggling"
"wiggling" and "dancing").

So I gave Suzie a little pat
up on the booty

and she turned around and said
"We must boycott
Trump Hotels today."

We're taking
we're taking Trump down

We're taking
we're taking Trump down.

We ain't bringing
we ain't bringing Trump back

We ain't bringing
we ain't bringing Trump back.

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

A Plutonic Love

Today the NASA spacecraft
New Horizons

finished a nine year-
and three-billion-mile-long journey
of the dwarf planet

with enough fuel
to take its equivalent
of a glimpse

for the humans in command

and now makes
its journey home

having avoided deadly rocks
the size
of a grain of rice.

The collected data
will still take 16 months
to transfer

but thank the heavens
that NASA

has the wherewithal
to livestream its homecoming

and post a picture
of its copper
heart-adorned surface

to Instagram.

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

Trump-ty Dump-ty

Those who continue
to rail against Obama's "socialism"

and are seriously considering
a vote for Donald Trump

might do well to remember

that even an actual
total redistribution of wealth

would leave them
with far more money

than a policy

where the president
files the country for bankruptcy

and then keeps
the nearly 17 trillion dollars
in gross domestic product

for himself.

And since Trump
owns all transportation

and has a giant fence
around both borders

(to avoid a polite
Canadian invasion
and all that entails)

such folks will now
have plenty of time

and plenty of justification

for their two favorite
pre-"Trumpocalypse" activities

of complaining

and giving up
on contributing anything
to society.


This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

No Re-Runs or Re-Hides

A national sexual assault prevention group
Promoting Awareness Victim Empowerment

or PAVE

is calling for President Obama

to revoke Bill Cosby's
Presidential Medal of Freedom.

But Obama's eyes are bleary

and after a long pause
he says

"No I can't.

I can't do this again.

Give another solemn
yet righteously angry speech

expressing pathos and regret."

So now that Cosby
has been dropped by his talent agency

that would seem
to hurt his chances
of appearing on-screen indefinitely

until one man
known only as "V"

("I" 
which is silent

because "'I' can sneak up on you
ninja-style")

"P"

or more commonly
"Vice President Joe Biden"

assumes Obama's role
and becomes a

Very Important Prosecutor

in the blockbuster ass-kicking
of the summer

of that same name.


This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.