Could Have Been The Candidate Who Lost

It's a sad day
for every millionaire
in the GOP

who had his heart set
on the one man

who could not even pretend
to be "of the people."

Mitt Romney
has given up

on giving up on
the 47 percent

and will not be
running for president
in 2016.

Donald Trump

it's your time to shine.


This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

Good Answer as so Often Is Me

Like certain ones of us

maybe Sarah Palin
makes a better poet
than she does a politician.

Obama isn't allowed
to use a teleprompter

but she did

and it broke

so during her speech
at the Iowa Freedom Summit
she improvised.

"Things must change for our government.
Look at it.
It isn’t too big to fail.

It’s too big to succeed.

So we can afford no retreads
or nothing will change
with the same people"

or the "same policies that
got us into
the status quo."

Then she proceeds
with the etymology lesson.

"Another Latin word.
Status quo.

And it stands for

‘Man, the middle-class
everyday Americans
are really gettin’ taken for a ride.'"

But really
we shouldn't make fun of her

as she made
a salient point

that "the man can only ride ya
when your back is bent."

Maybe Obama wouldn't
say it quite the same way

but "middle-class everyday Americans"
left or right
can surely agree

(if not on the cause)
that their backs are bent.

Keep writing Sarah

and sharing with the world
your solid attempts at

both cutting commentary
and comedy

but please

leave your presidential career
to Tina Fey.

(For your sake

as you'll only anger
the progressives further

and they'll rebel with a president

even worse than Obama.)

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

We Dare Defend our Rights

(Sung by Governor Robert J. Bentley)
(Apologies to Stephen Foster)

Now that Cari Searcy
and Kimberly McKeand

(from wacky Californ-i-a)

can get down on one knee

where else but Louisiana
can one love traditionally?

Good ol' boys hitched right and left
We've all but been bled dry

But that Sanctity of Marriage Act
we'll preserve it if we try.

Oh Susanna
might you have dumped Steve 

for some other
folk singer's lady

in a more enlightened
mid-19th century?

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

State of The Onion

After President Obama's
State of the Union address

the GOP has proven
that despite their majority in Congress

they are willing to cooperate wholeheartedly
to achieve a better future
for America as a whole.

They have completed their first item
on their agenda

which is to edit out
the parts of his speech
that criticize them

for example

for denying climate change
at 43:25.

They also skip another section
at 44:51

where Obama spoke of respecting
“human dignity”

prohibiting torture
and speaking out against anti-Semitism.

It's too early to accuse
anyone of intentional wrongdoing

or downplaying issues
Republicans would rather not address

or of unintentional support
of everything else Obama said.

(Luckily in the GOP rebuttal
Senator Joni Ernst of Iowa

said that "rather than
respond to a speech"

she wanted to
"talk about your priorities."

That's a big relief.)

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

Tests of the Many

Don't forget the "pro" in protest

and keep in mind
what you are fighting for

as well as that
which you hope
to eradicate.

And don't forget the "test"

as you think

"Why is fighting 
for the right thing
taking so damn long?"

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

TMI About Nothing

On today's episode
of "Epic Supreme Court Battles"

nine justices will determine
whether states are allowed

to keep marriage "traditional"

(meaning the way that lawmakers
of certain governments

over the past few centuries
have commanded
their home- and conquered lands do)

or if one of the last socially-acceptable refuges
of Red-Blooded American Prejudices
(RBAPs)

will lose out to

the BDSM WWJD WTF OMG STFU (G)s

or

Benefits Disposed of 
to Silly Minorities

Who Would Just Demand

While Trampling our Freedom

"Oh Man
Guys

what if

Super-awesome
Things like marriage

are For Us
too?"

(Gross.)

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

Americans at Work

Today Facebook has launched
a trial of "Facebook at Work"

which is different from Facebook

in that the color scheme
is a shaded white

it exists as a separate "portal"
on the desktop
as well as its own app

and you connect to colleagues

with whom you may
or may not also be friends.

If your company
signs up for the service

you don't have to have
a personal Facebook account.

Listen up Fox News

this tacitly-approved goofing off
is making the US
closer to Europe

with respect to admitting
that we like having an identity
separate from the one

that built this country

(frontier spirit
and if you want to be
all PC about it

slavery too)

and it means that Obama

(as far as any president
can actually influence the economy)

only helped create 11.2 million jobs
over the span of fifty-eight months

in a presidency
of nearly seventy-two months.

You could say he was playing
"Presidents at Work"

but that might be conveying
a mixed message.

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

Tokens of Gratitude

During the attacks
on a kosher supermarket
in Paris

a Muslim man named Lassana Bathily
protected Jewish hostages

by telling them to hide
in the freezer.

In response
to Rupert Murdoch

saying that even peaceful Muslims

must bear responsibility
for terrorist attacks

fellow billionaire and Christian
J.K. Rowling said

"Peaceful Muslims
are no more responsible for terror

than I am for Murdoch."

And might peaceful Muslims
like peaceful Christians

one day be able
to take responsibility

for the heroic acts
performed by followers
of their religion

or must they stand alone
as the exception?


This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

Same Mistake This Time

Thank you Gabby Giffords
former Democratic Representative
of Arizona

for your gun control advocacy

which you now do
outside of Congress

through the non-profit
Americans for Responsible Solutions.

Thank you Congress
for another year

of serving the for-profit
Americans for Reprehensible Stalemates

who started 2015
with a "bang"

by posting a list of
"10 Handguns to Own Before You Die"

on its parent organization website
NRA.gov.

Since Giffords retired
two years ago

there have been nearly
one hundred more
school shootings.

Obama called you "a hero"

but just like
Tina Turner said

maybe "We don't need
another hero."

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

Where the Boys Are

Congratulations Florida
on becoming
the next state

to be bullied by peer pressure
into doing
what all the cool states are doing

(and what the hipsters
will soon make fun of).

As if Florida
weren't the butt of jokes already

now you have legal Cubans
legal gay people
and legal gay Cubans.

It's almost enough to make
former Florida Governor Jeb Bush

end his 2016
presidential campaign.

He said
he respected the state's ruling
despite his own disagreement

but come on
does that sound like
any Republican we know?

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.

A Tale of Two Cities

Former New York Governor
Mario Cuomo

may you rest in peace.

In your 1984 address
to the Democratic National Convention

you gave a rebuttal
to Reagan's declaration

by saying that the United States
was not in fact
"a shining city on a hill"

but rather "A Tale of Two Cities."

Acknowledging the minor concessions
that would have to be made

you declared that Democrats
get their shit together
(to paraphrase several paragraphs)
so that

"no slick Madison Avenue commercial
no amount of geniality

no martial music
will be able to muffle
the sound of the truth"

but somewhat ironically
"not so much
with speeches that sound good

as with speeches
that are good and sound."

Now as for the time
you said
"You campaign in poetry.
You govern in prose"

well it is true
that this poet

would rather campaign forever
than ever get elected.

This poem © 2015 Emily Cooper.