During the 2008 primaries
the Hillary Clinton campaign
made a somewhat ominous commercial asking voters
who they wanted to answer
the hypothetical 3 AM phone call
to respond to an impending
and presumably gravely-harmful-to-Americans crisis.
It should be noted
that only one presidential candidate
Donald Trump
was awake at 3:20 this morning
taking to Twitter
to remind reporters
of the importance of maintaining journalistic integrity
in these politically-fraught times
with "Anytime you see a story about me
or my campaign saying 'sources said,'
DO NOT believe it.
There are no sources,
they are just made up lies!"
(with no trace of irony
from a person who regularly employs the line
"People say").
Then not two hours later
he commenced a trio of tweets
declaring Hillary Clinton was "duped"
about the former Miss Universe contestant
Alicia Machado
culminating the saga
at 5:30 AM
by asking America
to do its citizenly duty and research
with "Did Crooked Hillary help disgusting
(check out sex tape and past) Alicia M
become a U.S. citizen
so she could use her in the debate?".
Sources say Donald Trump
may have helped Melania skirt visa laws
because she was hot
and that evidence of a supposed sex tape
(which shouldn't negate
one's "goodness" anyway)
was gleaned from the right-wing conspiracy theorist Alex Jones'
website InfoWars.com.
Given that it was a reasonable 10:20 AM
in Nairobi Kenya
maybe he was discreetly
trying to catch Obama
also being awake
and Skype-ing with his homeland.
This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.
