This is His Costume

When designing a last-minute
Halloween costume

keep in mind

that friendly parody of a public figure

often makes for a memorable
and easily-acquired outfit. 

With Donald Trump
if he has said anything that is true

it's that what you see
is truly what you get

and a real parody of him
as Saturday Night Live has proven

is impossible 

as there is no room
between the grotesque exaggeration
and the reality of him. 

(And that's scary!)


This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper

Happy Birthday Nasty Woman

(Sung to Hillary Clinton on her 69th birthday)

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

America needs a "nasty woman"

Happy birthday to you.

This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper

De-Snowbilization

For any still-undecided voters
a recent television ad
from Donald Trump

sums up the heart of his campaign.

Unlike Hillary Clinton
he will "turn Washington upside-down"

much like a glass snowglobe

(to excuse
the pre-Halloween Christmas analogy)

denuded of its precipitation
by an ignorant tiny hand

who destabilizes the also-tiny
and imperfect but complex village within

before carelessly letting go.


This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

A Magnanimous Winner

Let it not be said

that feelings of entitlement

are exclusive
to the younger generations.

After his ambiguous
and democracy-defying statement
at last night's debate

saying that he would
"keep [us] in suspense"

as to whether
he would accept the election results
if Hillary Clinton won

today Donald Trump
has walked back that statement

by doubling down
and saying what of course
he really meant

and thus writing
the parody Onion article himself

which is

"I would like to promise and pledge
to all of my voters and supporters

and to all of the people
of the United States

that I will totally accept the results
of this great and historic presidential election

if I win."


This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

Neva-Da Tacos

People who attend

the final presidential debate

at the University of Nevada on Wednesday

will have no shortage

of food options

assuming that desired option

is one kind 

of delicious Mexican food.

Members of the Culinary Union

who argue that Trump

is illegally refusing to bargain with them

aim to corral at least five taco trucks

into the shape of a wall

outside the Trump International Hotel Las Vegas

conveniently located just a few miles away

from the debate venue.

Too bad the Republican candidate's Hispanic outreach director

 A.J. Delgado

(who suffice it to say

has not been doing

a very good job thus far)

seems to welcome this development.

This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

Trump-rested Development

Ron Howard

the Opie from Andy Griffith
who grew up to create

the sitcom "Arrested Development"
about a dysfunctional family

has made the online video
"TRUMP-rested Development"

in which he contradicts
the candidate's best lies

(since nothing he says
is truthful

but only a few
are very special "foundational" lies

complete with little lie rivulets
and nesting lies

simultaneously precariously holding his world together
and threatening to tear it apart).

“I was the one who got him to produce
the birth certificate

and I think I did a good job”

Trump brags at the first debate.

"But he really didn't"
says Howard.

“Secretary Clinton also fought it
I mean
and now everyone in mainstream

is going to say
‘Oh, that’s not true.’ It’s true.”

“But it wasn’t”
says Howard.

Then Trump denies
ever saying pregnant women
were inconvenient for a business

and the video cuts to him
saying that exact thing
in an NBC interview

and ends with him explaining his efforts
to build a relationship
with African-American voters

with the subtitle
"Footage Not Found."

Maybe after he loses
he'll deny he ever tried
to run for president

(though everyone else
would love to forget it).


This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

Vote Grabbing

This November 8
all voters should stroll into the voting booth

with their heads up high
and their hands down low

grabbing their own private parts
whatever they may be

and proudly lock up Donald Trump
in the prison
of his own mind.




This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

She's A Fighter

For the final question
of tonight's town hall-style
second presidential debate

each candidate was asked
to name something positive
about the other

and Donald Trump actually did

thus putting this poet
into agreement with him
on this one point.

"She doesn't quit.
She doesn't give up. I respect that."
This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

The Power of a Wish

If you are terminally ill

Donald Trump
has just "made a wish"

that you would stick around
long enough to vote for him.

“I don’t care
if you just came back from the doctor

and he gave you the worst possible prognosis
meaning it’s over
you won’t be around in two weeks.

Doesn’t matter.

Hang out till November 8.
Get out and vote.”

Needless to say

if you're the sort of person
who cares about the welfare

of future generations
of human beings

even ones
that you will never meet

you're probably
not a Trump voter.


This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.

A Genius Tax Deviser

Before the next presidential debate
on October 9

Hillary Clinton may want to consider
arming herself with an itemized budget

that sums up the revenue lost to the United States
because Donald Trump
and only Donald Trump

didn't pay federal income tax

for eighteen years

and dividing that amount
by the tax revenue

paid by a typical working person
during that time

to get an average
"Trump quotient"

also known as
"how many Americans
it has taken
to compensate for his huge genius."

This poet is happy to provide
any appropriate Trump-based puns.


This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper.