Kimming the Surface

Proud North Koreans
and in fact
the world

welcomed back the celebrity couple
"Kim Jong-Ego"

as he reappeared in public view
for the first time
since September 3

when he was reported
to have attended a concert.

The main party newspaper
Rodong Sinmun

says everything is fine

(except perhaps a leg injury

since there were photos
of him carrying a cane

while showing off
a new apartment complex
to senior military people)

so speculation
of internal party turmoil
shall now cease

if in fact
it ever existed at all.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

To Be Rather than to Seem

North Carolina's
ban on gay marriage lifted.
God says, "No comment."

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Gay Old Times

"We the People
of Strict Specified Criteria"
(who until recently
have happened to overlap
the "democratic-we"

also known as
"enfranchised and empowered Americans")

are good
at holding stubbornly
to the old

and eventually
accepting the new
as a foregone conclusion.

Still too slowly
(for those who wait)

but soon
the unthinkable

will become
the commonplace.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

The Synod Capsule

Pope Francis has called
a rare gathering
of bishops
and lay Catholics in Rome

(also known as Catholics
who face no
workplace restrictions upon

and whom are permitted
if not by God

then by 
a sinful society

to engage in "laying")

to debate the Church's attitudes
towards divorce
contraception and gayness.

He doesn't want anybody
getting any "beautiful and clever ideas"

or "to see who is more intelligent"
at this Synod assembly

but rather
to engage in "real debate"

which of course
is no fun.

Still sometimes
"keeping it real"

for all that could
be said against it

does make real things change.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Mecc-ing A Crisis

Dear Fox News

it's unlikely that by now
five days shy
of your eighteenth anniversary

you would still need
a brush-up
on the basic journalism technique

of reporting
on events

that actually exist
in reality

but just in case

if you see two million Muslims

streaming into
a sprawling tent city
near Mecca
in Saudia Arabia

in preparation
for their holy five-day hajj

this is not ISIS.

You didn't need
to hear that

but thank you for your time.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Policy of Containment

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
has confirmed

the first case of Ebola
diagnosed in a man
who flew from Liberia to Texas.

Keeping calm and carrying on
when thousands have died
an ocean away

is not a callous reaction
but a necessary one

as a country rich in technology
and invisible luxuries like immediacy

looks across it
to see what it can learn.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Certain Unalienable Lives

Welcome to the world
Charlotte Clinton Mezvinsky.

This is just a warning
to all patriotic Americans
Democrat or Republican

to cease cooing
over Kate Middleton's womb
as it prepares
a second offspring

because Thomas Jefferson
decreed as such
in the Declaration of Independence

that the King
"has kept among us
in times of peace

a Forest's-worth

of Sickeningly
and Tyrannically adorable

New-Born Infant Portraiture

without the Consent
of our Legislatures."

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Any Way You Want Me

Iraqi Prime Minister
is happy to have the U.S.
and our Arab allies

strike ISIS targets in Syria
so long as we
"do it right this time."

So you know
no pressure or anything.

Meanwhile in the realm
of shiny doodads

some early adopters
of the new iPhone 6 Plus

have found that
their unprecedentedly
thinner and longer alumnium

stainless steel
and glass-based devices

have become bent
after spending hours
in a jeans pocket

while their owners
were either sitting

or themselves
in a bent position.

The repair company
iCracked Inc. claims
they can reform the frame
"but given that

it’s still not
a 100 percent success rate
because it’s not
in the exact same

manufacturer’s shape.”

In the wake
of the trending "#bendgate"

the company says
that they "absolutely do not recommend

that people
try it by themselves.”

But assuming
we've got the right tools

it can't be
that hard to fix
this time around

right?

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Change the System from Within

(Apologies to Leonard Cohen)

Three hundred thousand demonstrators
joined in the People's Climate March
in New York City

to demand
that global leaders
take action on climate change.

This congregation
of bleeding-heart hippies

(with "C02-ebrity" heart-stabber
Al Gore present

among others

like big-government Democrat
New York Senator Chuck Schumer
and "independent"
Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders

and big-Hollywood actors
Leonardo DiCaprio
and Mark Ruffalo)

was timed to coincide

with the United Nations
Climate Summit this week.

First we take Manhattan
then we take carbon?

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Proclaiming on Scotland

Would the Scottish rock duo
The Proclaimers
"walk 500 miles"
and then "500 more"

(and if they hadn't been looking
to make the song
a hit in America

it would've been
"805 kilometers"
and "805 more")

to fall down at the door
of an independent Scotland?

If donating 10,000 pounds
to the Yes campaign counts

then yes

they will wake up
they will go out
they will get drunk
and they will haver
(babble foolishly towards)

before coming home to
their beloved country.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Public Display of Arrogance

The black actress Daniele Watts
who starred in the 2012 hit film
"Django Unchained"

was briefly detained and handcuffed
by the LAPD on Thursday

after a bystander saw her
and her white husband Brian Lucas

fully clothed and kissing
inside a parked vehicle

and reported it
as indecent exposure.

In the 1920s
it is possible that "PDA"

was streetwalker code for the question
"Prostitutional Dalliance Arrangement?"

but modern cops really deserve
the scoop on up-to-date lingo

and a brush-up
on current moral standards.

Nowadays it stands for
a prehistoric pre-iPhone
digital organizer device

or smooching your significant other
close enough to the public

that they get splashed
with errant saliva
and wipe their faces in disgust

leaving room for apologizing
and moving somewhat further away
to resume activity

(as long as it's not
blocking a fire exit)

but not getting arrested.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Nine One Two

The following day
we stand at the crux where meet
fresh wounds and conscience.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

No Effing Losers

In the wake
of Ray Rice's indefinite suspension

domestic abuse survivors
have started the trending Twitter hashtags
"#WhyIStayed" and "#WhyILeft".

Maybe the NFL should start its own hashtags
such as #WhyNFLStayedWithRice
after suspending him for two games

"because we didn't want
a little mistake like that

to keep a grown man
from playing a game for us"

and #WhyNFLLeftRice

"because harboring a known abuser
to play a game for us

was suddenly
becoming embarrassing
and politically inconvenient."

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

A Word After A Word After A Word

Margaret Atwood has become
the first author
to contribute a story
to "The Future Library Project"

an idea conceived
by the young award-winning
Scottish artist Katie Paterson

who planted
one thousand trees
in the town of Nordmarka Norway.

Every year until 2114
one writer will be invited
to write a story for the collection

and in that final year
the trees will be cut down
made into books

and if they're lucky
be read.

How nice it would be
to be able to move
centuries into the future

not only to see
what our present has influenced

but to explain
to these alien people of time
the good and the bad

about who we were.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Yes He Cant

It turns out Eric Cantor
did not live up
to his namesake

and heal the country
with Jewish song

but he did get hired
as vice chairman and managing director

at a type of institution
known to be
a breeding ground

for "welfare queens"
who beg for
and then recklessly spend
taxpayers' hard-earned money

while adding nothing of value
to our society

or otherwise officially known
as one of the Wall Street investment banks

Moelis & Company.

In this new post
he will earn
almost ten times

his Congressional salary
of $193,400

putting him into
a solidly millionaire tax bracket.

Would that a few
of those Occupy folks

come back from 2011
and wait below

just in case
he suddenly feels compelled
to serenade them.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

A Labor of Love

On this mandated day off
Rev. William J. Barber
head of the North Carolina NAACP

preached in front
of dozens of workers
in downtown Greensboro

that "mountains are climbable
valleys are crossable
problems are solvable
ways are makeable
ressurection is possible
sickness is curable
trouble is overcome-able"

and "when we all
when we all

get together

what a day
what a day
what a day

of rejoicing
it would be."

We have our work
cut out for us.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Tanning His Hide

Hey there
New York Republican
Representative Peter King

you should know
that the only person

allowed to make comments like

"There’s no way any of us
can excuse what the president
did yesterday"

in reference
to Obama's "fresh" tan suit

is Joan Rivers

who is currently in the hospital
recovering from cardiac
and respiratory arrest

and was unable to attend

yesterday's press conference
in which the President

in addition to wearing clothes
also made a statement

that our country as yet
has no strategy
for conquering ISIS.

However she is not
the Chair
of the House Subcommittee
on Counterterrorism and Intelligence either.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Crouching Leopard Concealed Carry

The bar for badassery
has been set

by 57-year-old Indian woman
Kalama Devi

widow and mother of one

who was cutting grass
with a sickle

then began walking
through a field
in the village
of Koti Badma

in the town 
of Rudraprayag

when a leopard
suddenly pounced on her.

Armed only with the farm tool
she fought the animal

for about half an hour
until it gave up.

Meanwhile an indicted Rick Perry
his concealed-carry gun rights
now restricted for two years

imagines the time in 2010
he shot a coyote
with a pistol

and privately
hangs his head in shame.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Quid Pro Bro

Four male students
from the Materials Science and Engineering Department
at North Carolina State University

are developing a nail polish for women
that will change color

when it comes in contact
with common colorless and odorless
date-rape drugs.

An innovative idea
but unfortunately
a fashion accessory

that will provide a function
that shouldn't be needed at all.

Next up on the horizon
for another group of student researchers

is a project
to address the perpetrators.

It's a special cap

which would-be rapists
can put onto their bottles of roofies

that speak to them
in a relatable "bro" voice
when they remove the cap.

"Hey dude
in case you weren't sure
this is sexual assault.

Yeah brah
still sexual assault.

You may not care
about women

or your professors

or your parents

or even the anger
of the most chillaxed of your friends

but I can guarantee
whatever alibi you invent

won't be
a 'cool story bro'
with the police.

Why don't I
call them right now

because you're kinda
asking for it

and I really want you
to be totally safe?"

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Shall Not Perish

After the protests
in Ferguson

President Obama
has ordered a review

of the federal programs
and funding that allow
state and local law enforcement

to acquire military weapons.

Advocates of fewer restrictions
on firearms

have learned the catchphrase
"Guns don't kill people.
People kill people"

in defense of the gun owners
who regularly handle

their (usually much smaller)
weapons responsibly.

But putting aside
(for a moment)
direct physical harm

the fight
will never be fair

so long as one side
can explain

the use of their tools
in the heat of the moment

as self-defense

and the other

armed only with rights
granted them by their democracy
cannot.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.