Going Nuclear

If one has trouble figuring out

just which features of government
are essential to a healthy and functional democracy

one should see which components
the GOP thinks work too well

such as
for instance
the Senate filibuster

which minority leader Chuck Schumer
with fellow Democrats
has pledged to do

in hopes of delaying or blocking
the nomination of Neil Gorsuch
to the Supreme Court.

Mitch McConnell
with his characteristic dry wit

calls the effort
a "new low"

and wants to use the so-called nuclear option
to abolish the ability

of the minority party
to filibuster Supreme Court nominations.

And a message to Democrats would be

"If it ain't broke yet
keep using it."


This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper.

A Spider Who Swallowed A Spicer

This poet's home state

of North Carolina

despite costing itself roughly $4 billion and dignity with HB2

is still capable of winning basketball games

and putting out research about spiders

namely that

theoretically of course

these arachnids

who live in 68 percent of bathrooms

(and who shun HB2 altogether

for the record)

and more than three-fourths of bedrooms

given their consumption of 400 to 800 billion tons

of food in a year

would be able to eat every last person on Earth

by March 28th of 2018. 

The two species

currently get along

except for the occasional

biting and smooshing each other

and we should vow

to keep it that way

though it wouldn't hurt to throw 

a few light snacks their way

in the form of government handouts

(so to speak)

just to be nice.

This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper.

Neil Please Don't-Suck

Dear Neil Gorsuch

possible appointee
to the Supreme Court

if you get confirmed
please remember that you said

"No one.
Not even the president
is above the law."

That is all

(for now).


This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper.

For Microwaves of Grain

Setting aside the fact
that Trump starting a rumor
that President Obama "had [his] wires tapped"
during his campaign

is a good distraction from Russia and Azerbaijan and healthcare
and he probably is as tethered to this lie

as he is to real reality
(meaning accidentally if at all)

before Kellyanne Conway
is barred from all networks
for being a liar

with the bigger vocabulary
and the "if I just keep talking you can't interrupt me"-speed of talking
that her boss cannot provide

we citizens should take a moment

to appreciate her skill
for interweaving the wacky idea

with the passive-aggressive
"I'm just throwing it out there
don't shoot the messenger"-style statement
that slowly erodes the country's credibility.

“I’m not Inspector Gadget.
I don’t believe people
are using the microwave

to spy on the Trump campaign” she said.

“However I’m not in the job of having evidence.
That’s what investigations are for.”

But of course
Michelle Obama always knew
how judgmental those seemingly-placid microwaves were

which is why
she planted that organic vegetable garden
in the first place.


This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper.

No Woman No Buy

Wednesday March 8th

is the Day Without A Woman strike
and International Women's Day.

Tomorrow the women who are able
will skip work

(and those who can and can't

will wear red

refrain from shopping

ask the men in their life
for some help for once

and attend rallies)

thus demonstrating even and especially
to those (including some leaders of the free world)
who don't believe so

that in addition to immigrants
the economy depends on women.

And please dear POTUS
of course you won't

but if you learn anything from a crowd more massive
than the one at your inauguration
or the "March 4 Trump"

the lyrics to Bob Marley's
"No Woman, No Cry"

have nothing to do
with how "sad" it is

that angry women exist.


This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper.

Bushwhacked

Donald Trump's presence
in the White House

turns the rest of reality
on its axis

such that the man
who started two wars
in the Middle East

authorized enhanced interrogation techniques
and put the country
trillions of dollars in debt

(for example)

can say of our current president

“I don’t like the racism
and I don’t like the name-calling
and I don’t like the people feeling alienated.”



This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper

A Jerk and a Chicken

(Apologies to Rihanna and Drake)
(Sung by Donald Trump in bad rendition of reggae song)

Trust I'm not deserting
At Mar-a-Lago I am lurking
The fake news media don't like it
But the Fox, they are the nicest

I'm prepared to handle ISIS
You know I'll tweet in any crisis

I believe in the crowds' adoration
I'm stupid and mean and impatient
I treat you all like ego decoration
Told you I have no moral foundation

All that I wanted from you was to give me the
Attention that I've always had
Privilege that I've always seen
Coddled like I've always been

Mm-hmm
A fine-tuned machine don't get nothing wrong
Just get ready for

Work work work work work work
Act like I never
Work work work work work work
They see me
Playing golf golf golf golf golf golf

Say me and Putin ain't gon'
Work work work work work work
Sad sad sad sad sad sad
I refuse to learn learn learn learn learn learn

Don't agree wit' me
get spurned spurned spurned spurned spurned spurned

This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper

Out Like Flynn

Donald Trump's
National Security Adviser
Michael T. Flynn

has resigned
after admitting he misled Vice President Pence

about the subject of his conversations
with the Russian ambassador Sergey I. Kislyak

just after the election

reviving questions about the closeness
of the President's ties to the country.

Maybe one of these days
if not on Valentine's Day

Trump will realize
he was conned

into a one-sided bromance.


This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper

Don't Need No Education

Betsy DeVos

private school attendee

you have now been appointed
Donald Trump's Secretary of Education

with Vice President Mike Pence
giving the tiebreaking vote.

Lest you forget

in March of 2016
you called then-one-of-many-candidates Trump
an "interloper"
who "does not represent
the Republican party"

but not in a positive sense.

You have been selected
by our president
to be an interloper

and this poet asks
that in your crusade for school choice

you preserve the choice
that so many families have made

(and by the way
the basis
of your assigned role)

for free and public education.

And if you don't do so

they'll be happy
to educate you.


This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper

Quid Pro Trump O.

It is unknown

where Iraq would ever

have gotten the idea

to ban US citizens

from entering their country. 

Certainly the Iraqi parliamentary panel's

use of the word "reciprocal"

would bring no clues. 

As an incidental fact

it should be noted

that the only families

at risk of being torn apart

are from countries

where the President

has no hotels or golf courses

which is damning

but also in a roundabout way

a transformer of the Trump Organization

into an unwieldy

blunt

and obnoxious tool

for Trump's accidental

and coincidental

and purely self-interested

sense of diplomacy. 

This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper

Through the Truthing Glass

Kellyanne Conway

knows Donald Trump
speaks in lies

and she must knowingly use lies to bolster
the new president's alternate reality

as something the public should accept

by declaring the existence
of "alternative facts"

about the size
of his inauguration attendance.

Stephen Colbert invented the word "truthiness"
on The Colbert Report

during the Bush administration

but has now been outdone
by the Trump administration's authentic use
of real and transparent dishonesty.



This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper

Mandatory Trump Education Lesson 8

Listen Donnie

please note
that after your press conference

the American public
despite what you may think

does care about your tax returns

and we still do not feel assured

that your business interests
will be handled in such a way

as to pose no conflict of interest

with this country's interests

or that Russia
does not have potentially compromising
information about you.

And as much as you dislike
or distrust
or don't want to be bothered

to answer the questions
that CNN is asking you

the soon-to-be leader of the free world

they are not "fake news".


This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper

Mandatory Trump Education Lesson 7

Listen Donnie

in seventeen days

you will be sworn in
and thus become part

of the "swamp"
you promised to drain.

On December 31st
you wished a Happy New Year
to your "many enemies"

and those who "have fought me
and lost so badly
they just don't know what to do."

Given that Carl Bernstein

who was the lawyer
of "enemies list"-maker-
and "not a crook"-Richard Nixon

has called you
a bigger liar than his former client

that should make it
all the more apparent

that the first step
to serving the majority who did not vote for you

who for all our sakes
want you to succeed

is learning that your ignorance of the world
does not make you more honest
when you say something incorrect

and that even these people
are capable of possessing
at least some of the truth.

This poem © 2017 Emily Cooper

Mandatory Trump Education Lesson 6

Listen Donnie

instead of both lamenting
the closure of the Trump Foundation

(which in fact
can not yet be done

as the charity is still under investigation
by the New York attorney general)

and bragging about how ethical you are
for avoiding

"even the appearance
of any conflict" of interest
by shutting it down

it would be better
to be quiet
get off Twitter

and in your own words

"continue to pursue
your "strong interest in philanthropy"

by preparing
just as Obama did

to work with people you hate

and who perhaps
also don't like you

for the next four years.



This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper

Mandatory Trump Education Lesson 5

Listen Donnie

you said you would listen
to President Obama's counsel

so believe him
when he says

“It doesn’t matter
how smart you are.

You have to have
the best information possible
to make the best decisions possible.”

You get one intelligence briefing
per week. 

That's a start. 

Now it is possible
that you like sending out information
more than receiving it

and that you don't like hearing
that your companion Vladimir Putin

swayed not only voter opinion
but yours.

But given that your medium of choice
is by design brief

and that your missives
are presumably meant to be read
by their targets

you owe the rest of the world
the same courtesy.








This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper

Mandatory Trump Education Lesson 4

Listen Donnie

whether or not the US
should engage with Taiwan

as an independent state

that decision to engage should be made
with care and deliberation

by someone who has chosen
to receive the daily intelligence briefings

which you have not

instead choosing
to block your fellow Americans
on Twitter

because they make you upset.


This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper

Mandatory Trump Education Lesson 3

Listen Donnie

in the process
of making America great again

you do not have time
for victory rallies

or for being a sore winner.


This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper

Mandatory Trump Education Lesson 2

Listen Donnie

when you're the president
you get certain privileges and perks

but if you had ever
read the Constitution
you might have noted

that “no Person holding any Office of Profit
or Trust under them shall
without the Consent of the Congress

accept of any present
Emolument
Office or Title

of any kind whatever
from any King

Prince
or foreign State.”

When you refuse
to put your business

in a blind trust

you need to realize
that you are asking us
the American people

to put our blind trust
in you.

This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper

Mandatory Trump Education Lesson 1

Listen Donnie

you may think
that a $25 million-dollar settlement

is not a tacit admission
of defrauding your Trump University students

(but you also know
you're not one
to just give away money)

that your daughter
taking control of your company
and meeting with the Japanese Prime Minister

is no big deal
to national security

and that Mike Pence
getting "harassed"
at Hamilton

by being given a speech
encouraging him and you
to respect people of color

is the best thing
to Tweet about
the next day

but it would do you good
to try to understand

why some of us think
you are not acting presidential.


This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper

Mandatory Trump Education (Prelude)

Listen Donnie
you didn't want to be president

and more than half of us
didn't want you to be either

but now that you're here
we've got to teach you.

This poem © 2016 Emily Cooper