An Abridged Story

Today everyone is wondering
who swapped the American flags
on top of the Brooklyn Bridge

with bleached-white Old Glories
early this morning
and why

and particuarly how
when the bridge is so heavily guarded.

Dido said in 2003
that there would be no white flag
above her door

though she said
nothing about bridges.

Maybe they're a call
for peace in the Middle East

saying Obama
should pay more attention
to Palestine

or peace everywhere.

It can feel callous
to feel unworried

and paranoid
to feel like every change
in the skyline

is foreboding.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Soul Freedom

Roger Williams
who founded the state
of Rhode Island
in 1636 for religious freedom

who in 1643 wrote
"A Key into the Language of America"

marking the first study
of an American Indian language
(mostly of Algonquin Narragansett)
in English

as well as a deliberate effort
to acknowledge the Other

probably should be referenced
in the news of late

given the pertinence
of his values
to our world today

and maybe even the United States

with its vitally important
separation of church and state
and all

so here is at least one.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Drug On Too Long

Today the U.S. Sentencing Commission
decided that nearly fifty thousand

federal drug offenders
are eligible
for reduced sentences.

Former President
and Possible Former User of Cocaine

George W. Bush
was not available for comment

on how the country's
gradually evolving mentality

on the criminalization of drugs
and the demonization of users
(some perhaps
more than others)

away from "lock-'em-up"
to "maybe-help-'em-out"

would give these
sooner-to-be-former prisoners

the chance to achieve
what he did.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Long Arch of Morality

Grown-up Archie
of "Life with Archie"

not too long ago
witnessed the marriage

of Kevin Keller
to his husband

and now we witness
Archie's death

taking a bullet for Keller
the military veteran turned senator

running on a platform
of increased gun control
for Riverdale

although the teenage Archie
will still persist
in "Archie Comics"

having innocent fun at sock hops
and soda shops.

Would that a comic book
were the only place

we'd have to learn these lessons

and would that
all of us who would
take a bullet for a dear friend

only have to make that decision
in the abstract.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Canter-burying Unequal Tales

Today the General Synod
the decision-making body

of the Church of England
voted to allow women
to become bishops.

Provided the decision
is approved by Parliament

a formal announcement
will be made to the Synod
in November.

There's something to be said
about adhering to hundreds
of years of tradition

as felt John Goddard of Burnley

who said he could not vote
in favor of the legislation
“out of obedience to God".

But the Lord
never actually said

"Boys rule
girls drool

as 51 percent
of the population

in humble deference to boys
for all eternity

so there."

He would like to apologize
that He did not make
Himself more explicit

as to His belief
in equality

and freedom for all
to espouse His Word

when He was being interviewed
for the Bible.

"You all should probably
just start everything over
at this point."

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Good to Be Underestimated

Rosie O'Donnell
is coming back to The View

and Donald Trump
is not cool with that

calling her
"crude rude
obnoxious and dumb"

but "other than that"
he likes her "very much".

O'Donnell may have a reputation
for being loudly opinionated
against the Iraq war

for co-founding
so-called inclusive "R Family Vacations"

which are cruises
for gays and lesbians
and their families and friends

(and "cruising" really
is hardly appropriate
for those poor children
of LGBT couples)

for starting a program
to give free music
and dance instruction

to underprivileged kids
in New York City public schools

and for giving $22 million in grants
to organizations providing
for the welfare of children.

Trump may have a reputation
for doubting Obama's
place of origin

(or for later reversing his opinion
and saying Obama pretended

to be from Kenya
to get scholarship money)

or for having had businesses
bearing his name
file for bankruptcy
four times

but declaring that his
money-making prowess
makes him electable

to our land's highest office

but other than that

yes "The Donald"
don't worry

we like you
very much too.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Don't Be So Insured

Three major research institutions

Urban Institute
Gallup and Commonwealth Fund
all have one
inconvenient-for-Obama conclusion

which is that
the number of Americans lacking healthcare
has plummeted this year

from about 17 percent
to 13 percent uninsured.

Among the 8 million
new beneficiaries
to the luxury of not having

to visit the emergency room
for the sniffles

were people
with low and moderate incomes

many of whom
were eligible for government subsidies

and Latinos.

But the states that went
the intriguingly bold route

of denying Obama's
totally free Medicaid expansion

(you know
because it's a government handout

and to accept
would make the higher-ups culpable
of socialism

and you don't
want that blood on your hands)

and saving
the too-poor from themselves

know that in reality
there's nothing more certain
than death and taxes

especially for our President

who is smuggling dissidents
and making them
pay 1 percent of their household income

then 2 percent
then 2.5 percent

until they finally
pay with their lives

by relenting to pay less
(to a socialist)

to keep themselves
alive and well.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Coda of Conduct

The term "Hobby Lobbying"
has always existed

for various organizations
existing at all intersections
of the political
and monetary spectrum

trying to curry favor

for their worthy or "look-how-worthy-
this-expensive-B-roll-

of-shiny-happy-
people-blithely-engaging-with-our-company-
makes-us-look-"

goals

but only recently
has it become

a proper noun
that is properly capitalized
when written.

Since February 2013
Nebraska-based Judge
Richard Kopf

has kept a notable
"Hercules and the Umpire" blog
where he relays his adventures
in federal trial-judging.

He scolded the five Catholic male
Republican-appointed
Supreme Court Justices
for undermining Obamacare

when they in his words
ruled that a "huge corporation
with thousands of employees

and gargantuan revenues
was a 'person'."

He went on to recommend
an indefinite silence
or "quiescent" period

then added

"As the kids say
it is time for the Court
to STFU"

(Shut The Eff Up
for non-Millennials)

even providing a helpful link
to Urban Dictionary.

After receiving a note
from a respected lawyer

decrying his foul language
he is
(at least temporarily)
following his own recommendation.

Those who support
free and uninhibited speech

for all public officials
giving truth to power

should start a campaign
politely asking Kopf
to "un-STFU" himself.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Devils in His Head

Hey kids
remember that headbanging

is only good
for "metal health"

not "mental health".

A 50-year-old
German man
went to the doctor

complaining of headaches
though he hadn't
had a head injury
experimented with drugs

or done anything else

but attend a perfectly innocent
Motorhead show.

The poor man
had some brain bleeding

but he'll be okay

although the medical team
noted in a paper
published Friday

previous cases
of minor brain damage

associated with heavy metal music.

It's all well and good
to be cautious

but Dr. Islamian
could be a little
less presumptuous

in saying that
had the patient
gone "to a classical concert
this would not have happened"

as if classical concert-goers
don't feel the urge
to nod heartily

along with the conductor
during some really
bitchin' violin cadenza.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Going Fourth

President Obama says
"If they are really concerned
about me taking

too many executive actions
the best solution to that 

is passing bills."

Let it be known
that the now-anointed-by-
the-independent-
all-seeing-and-deciding-eye
-known-as-History-

Bush issued 291
during his two terms

(and one of those
allowed some
moderate unkindness

to people that were
probably all really bad
for really really sure)

compared with Obama's 182

with one possibly
on the way

for immigration reform.

Everyone by now
has seen the 2012 clip
of Obama singing Al Green

but probably not
the more politically pertinent
Sly Stone bit

he performed in front
of both houses of Congress
late on June 27th

(the Friday night
before the week-long recess).

"I want to thank you
for letting me
be myself

again

and again and again
and again."

The repetition initially
invited some rhythmic
bipartisan clapping

until the realization
amongst GOP members
that clapping
appeared to symbolize agreement.

One step forward
two steps back.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Coulter of Personality

Now that Belgium
yesterday beat the US team
2 to 1

in the 2014 World Cup

kicking Americans
out of contention

and erasing forever
any fervor we had
for the sport

Ann Coulter
will have to find
a new target

on which to balance
our "nation's moral decay".

Because as we know
her provocative commentary

comes from a place
of wholesome grandparently concern
for maintaining

our social cohesion
through such unifying traditions

as playfully hazing
bearded or robed
or just plain weird-looking immigrants

(actual or apparent
since you can't take chances)
until they prove themselves
not to be terrorists

and keeping our
first black president honest

by judging him
through a refreshingly
ahistorical lens.

Since her commentary
requires painstaking research

to make a thoughtful
and convincing case

it will surely
be a while before we hear
from her again.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Sing Out of F. Scott Key

For this Fourth of July holiday
no one's asking you

to quit blasting
at your drink-heavy
beachside barbecue

spiritedly patriotic Lee Greenwood
for helping "God
Bless the USA"

or Toby Keith
for being "Made in America"

or politically-neutral
isolationist chiller Jimmy Buffet

for lounging
away from it all
in "Margaritaville"

but along with those tunes

America-hating liberals everywhere
remind you to also play

"With A Little Help
From My Friends"

(either the Beatles'
or Joe Cocker's version is fine)

because after all
we're made independent

only through togetherness.

Thank you
for this brief
public service announcement.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

A Chronic State

On Thursday
North Carolina Governor
Pat McCrory

said he would sign
a bill into law
that will allow patients

who suffer
from intractable epilepsy

access to a point-three-percent
marijuana-based
treatment called cannabinol (CBD).

McCrory said
"This law will help
ease the suffering

endured by children
from whom
no other treatments

are effective
against their seizures."

Marijuana activists and advocates
point out
that this limited
CBD-only bill

may not be permissive enough
to help a lot of patients

but hey
it's a start

from the man
who back in February

drew 80,000 protesters
to the Moral March
on Raleigh

with a diverse array
of peeps asking him
and his pals

to stop seizing up
North Carolina's

voting rights
women's rights
environmental rights
educational rights

(to name a few)

and pretty much
to start doing right

and just like
mellow out
you know?

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

A Boehner Named Sue

(Apologies to Shel Silverstein and Johnny Cash)

Well it was Washington DC
at the end of June

and I was feeling a bit 
politically marooned

and I thought I'd stop
'fore I got introspective.

So right there standin'
on that gov'mint floor

I did what I'd never done before
and called out

"That dirty mangy Barack
done made me sue!"

Well I knew that this POTUS
had unilateral powers

and had passed policies
designed to make us cower.

I knew his unceasingly metered tone
and that calculating mind

behind a stubbornly stoic face.

He was taller'n me and slim
and calm and un-peachy toned

and I didn't
confront him in person
or talk on the phone

but I still said
in the comfort of that room

"I'm gonna sue.
How do you do?

Now I'm gonna cry."

I got all choked up
and the deal was done

and 'Rack rushed
to my feet and said
"You have won."
and that he

"came away
with a different point of view

and I never knew that's
what the song meant

but the GOP's right

so I promise to relent
and leave you
in charge forever."

If I ever have a son
just in case
he becomes Speaker

I think I'm gonna
call him Sue.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

A Controlled Arrogance

We're off to see the Wizard
the wonderful Wiz
Doctor Oz

because because
because because because

because he has an MD
and is a Professor of Surgery
at Columbia University

but uses his national platform
(to which he catapulted
with Oprah Winfrey's help

first appearing
on her show in 2004

then getting Harpo Productions'
backing for "The Dr. Oz Show"
in 2009)

to promote weight loss
wonder drugs.

We're off to see the Wizard
the wonderful Wiz
Doctor Oz.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.

Gonna Touch the Sky

Kanye West
has already failed

at both his husbandly
and professional duties.

Astronomers have discovered
a dwarf star so cool

that its carbon
has crystallized

giving the 11-billion-year-old
frustratingly elusive

celestial bauble
a dazzling diamond-like radiance

(which Kanye can neither
wrest from the sky
nor morphologically emulate)

when viewed by us
earth-bound mortals.

But don't worry

it will "let him finish"
whatever little project
he has going on right now.

This poem © 2014 Emily Cooper.